Five Things I Learned Waitressing
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Five Things I Learned Waitressing

sometimes, you just have to smile when you rather not.

Five Things I Learned Waitressing
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My summer job is at a venue where most couples come to have their fairy tale beach wedding. I'm not going to lie, yes, the place is beautiful. The sunsets are always perfect and the palm trees (imported from Florida) make it seem like somewhere much more tropical than Long Island. I'm super socially awkward so this job was like a learning curve for me. As someone who doesn't really talk, I had to learn how to get used to it fast. And how to smile when you would rather not because a guest is treating you like a floor mat rather than a human being.

1) Have you ever went to a wedding where your uncle drunkenly flirts with the waitress? Well, I'm that waitress, and it's not as funny as you think it is.

I know people who get drunk do things they normally wouldn't do, but that is no excuse for some 60 year old to try to feel me up while I'm clearing drinks. I once had one guy put his arm around me while I had a tray of glasses---they ended up spilling all over me and the floor. Another time I was basically forced to hug some guy because he was "the father of the groom". Most of the time I try to spin this harassment the other way, and try to make a tip from it. But sometimes getting an extra twenty is not worth how gross some of these men can make you feel.

2) I can't control everything, so please don't take every little problem out on me.

I once had a guy scream at me because he got the chicken instead of the fish, something that I could have easily fixed civilly. I will never understand how people have the balls to treat people like absolute crap. I find that the people who have more money treat me like I am a ghost. I am not a person to them, I am someone expected to be there. They look and treat you like you are less than human, and less than they are. Never in my life have I screamed at anyone just trying to do their job. And I never will. I guess some people were just born with a permanent stick up their, well, you know.

3) Not all brides have a night to remember

My first day on the job was a little over a year ago. The highlight of the night was not being tipped for giving the very intoxicated groom a plate full of chicken tenders, (which I was very excited for doing. Free money for doing practically nothing. Thanks, man!), It was having the bride walk into the kitchen because she threw up all over her wedding dress. This was at like, 10 o'clock! The main problem was that she didn't really eat anything all day but then started to go heavy on the champagne. I felt bad at the time, but now I find it really funny. She probably doesn't even remember throwing up anyway. But the guests probably will, but who cares, right? If a wedding isn't exciting in a way, then it's boring. And boring weddings are the worst. I should know, I worked a bunch of them. You can tell a wedding is going to be boring by the music. Who plays classical music at a wedding? Apparently more people than you think. The point of a wedding in my opinion is to have fun and dance. You can't dance to that kind of music. If the guests are all sitting down, that's how you know it's going to be a really long night.

4) Mothers who cry when they can't have their way

Once at a party for a little girls first communion, the mom was acting more like the child than the girl. I don't even remember what she was making a big deal over, it was that stupid. It was something like how the party favors were set out too soon. And she started bawling, like actually sobbing because "It was all wrong!" It was pathetic really, just like having an extravagant party for a first communion, but I digress. That little girl won't remember that party in a few years, but she will most likely remember her mom crying in front of her friends.

5) Not all couples look at weddings as romantic

Once I had to sprint to get my boss because of a fight that was happening at one wedding. After frantically looking for her, I found her, and she ushered the couple away so I didn't really hear anything first hand. Apparently, it was a nasty fight that ended with the guy yelling "I want a divorce!" yikes.

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