About a year ago, I decided to stop shaving after having done so for over six years. I started shaving when I was twelve after another girl told me that it was gross that people could see my leg and armpit hair, and that I should start shaving like her. I realize now that she was merely parroting what someone else had said to her, but at the time, I was mortified.

After that day, it seemed like my life revolved around shaving. What I wore and when I wore it depended upon if I had shaved in the past day or two, whether I would have access to a sink or shower on mission trips prompted me to shave dry at times (not recommended), and pool dates with friends in the summer felt like the bane of my existence.

What drove me to stop shaving? Watching a video of a woman talking about why she stopped. Part of what trapped me in the vicious cycle of shaving despite loathing it was thinking that I was the only one who felt the way I did about it. I thought that every other woman saw her silky, hairless legs or armpits as worth the half hour (at least) spent ridding herself of it, while I only saw the fact that I would have to repeat the process in less than a week. Anytime I could get out of shaving, I would.

When I realized that I could be “excused” from shaving because of not having access to a shower with clean water on a mission trip, I would gladly let my hair grow out for the rest of the trip. When the cold months came around and I lived in jeans and long-sleeves, and I could wear tights with dresses or skirts, I let my hair grow out until it was warm again.

After I watched that video, I realized that I did not want to have silky legs as much as I wanted the security of knowing that no one could criticize that aspect of my appearance again. Every time I shaved, I felt like I was not only reliving, but also helping the roots of the embarrassment from that day when I was twelve grow deeper into my perception of myself.

I felt smothered from trying to be something I was not, so I told myself that I would stop shaving until I was no longer self-conscious about my body-hair (not expecting to come to love it in a few months’ time). So, what did I learn from this experience?

Only I Can Decide What My Beauty and Femininity Is

To my surprise, on the first day I wore shorts I did not feel self-conscious at all. Rather, I felt free. I felt truly myself as my leg hair blew in the wind. I had felt feminine and beautiful before, but mostly after having spent the time and effort for a special occasion. But even then, it felt shallow because I looked beautiful or looked feminine. While it is so important for everyone to spend a little extra time on their appearance and feel like they look nice every so often, I had never experienced feeling as glorious as I did.

I felt like I had met a part of myself I had not been in tune with in years. For the first time, I felt truly beautiful, feminine, and other-worldly. Why? Because I gave myself the chance to decide what beauty and femininity were for myself which meant that I was beautiful, and I was feminine.

Self-Acceptance and Acceptance of Others Are Related

Because I experienced first-hand what accepting myself despite what anything and anyone else said, I inadvertently learned how to accept other people and how they presented themselves in public. I came to notice the acts of courage within someone else’s appearance and compliment them, something my introverted self never imagined I could do. I became brave enough to tell the barista making my coffee that I liked his nail polish color, and I could tell the girl with bright green, curly hair walking to the student center that she looked cool.

This became pivotal for my bravery in other areas as well. I no longer second-guessed my decisions about my appearance because my body-hair became my armor that reminded me of my strength and capability. I was brave enough to cut my hair the way I wanted, to wear shirts I bought from a thrift store hoping that they would inspire more confidence before I planted the seed for it to grow myself, and I began to sing in front of more people, which were all things that scared me before.

Beauty and Femininity Are Social Constructs

Views on body-hair are different for each part of the world and era. In ancient Greece, for example, I would be likened to two goddesses who also sported body-hair. The first is Aphrodite, goddess of feminine beauty, elegance, and independence. The second (and my personal favorite), Artemis, goddess of feminine strength, female warriors, self-sufficiency, and wolves. In Ancient Greece, for a woman to be hairy was the epitome of beauty. While in America, I have found that representation of female body-hair is pretty much non-existent and almost scandalous.

Razor commercials only showcase their product grazing over freshly waxed arms and legs, while men’s razor companies show their product removing beards. In communities across the world, body-hair is normal and often used as a form of expression. Women only began to shave in the United States because a major men’s razor company hit a recession around 1915, realized that they were not exploiting the other 50% of the population, and began publishing advertisements encouraging women to remove their body-hair saying that it would make them more attractive. This realization made by a major razor company met with the start of women’s independence and defiance of the Roaring Twenties through showing a little more skin than in previous decades, prompted women to begin shaving in droves.

However, this revolution was hindered due to the eventual crash of the Stock Market in 1929 because up-keeping one’s appearance was not a priority. After the Great Depression ended, the bikini was introduced in 1946, panty-hose became too expensive and/or completely inaccessible for some women because nylon was being used for plane manufacture in World War 2, and the first wave of the feminist movement (roughly 1910-1950) was at its height, so shaving became ingrained within society for women.

Why do I say this? Because it is important to understand that since beauty standards are cultural, they are also generational examples of historical, socioeconomic, and ideological influence upon a people group. In other words, beauty standards are often created by outside forces such as political climate, practical need, or ideologies, and they are perpetuated by choice.

The first group of women who chose to shave did so to express themselves and their independence of the expectations of others. The initial group of women who decided not to shave did so because of personal choice too. Full stop.

I want you to take two things from this. Firstly, that this article was not to persuade those of you who shave your body-hair to stop.

It was to tell a story I was not brave enough to tell a year ago. It is inspired by my desire for everyone to experience the freedom of expression and the ability to genuinely love who you are just like I did from this experiment. I want everyone to think about how much of their appearance, actions, and beliefs are by choice instead of by societal conditioning.

If you find the smoothness of your legs worth the time spent removing the hair, shave. If the results of shaving make you feel the beautiful and glorious other-worldliness I do from having hairy legs, then absolutely keep shaving. Just make sure that it is because you decided to do it and no one else told you to.

If through this article you came to realize that shaving or something else you do, wear, or believe is not by choice, figure out why and what your choice actually is. I guarantee you that the moment you begin to challenge even what seems to be the smallest cog in your thought process, you will begin to gain the insight to challenge what seems to be the gigantic issues, discrepancies, and glaring dissonances in our collective societal mindset and thought process.

What do the people who inspire us (and those who we have not even heard of that nonetheless accomplished great things) have in common? They thought for themselves. They picked apart the commonplace, lifted the unturned, sun-bleached rocks to find what lives underneath, they did not let anyone make up their minds for them. A great deal of who we are to and with other people is who we are without them in our own presence.

Who does your mind say you are? Are they your mind’s words or the idiosyncrasies of your society? Do you believe them, or have you been taught to believe them?