I had always seen death on television shows and in movies. Funerals, although depressing and solemn, seemed somewhat peaceful in the end. But, the harsh reality proves that facade is far from the truth. The death hit me hard. It felt like someone shot a bullet through me, stabbed me in the heart, and choked the life out of me, all at once.

Death, a five letter word that now holds so much meaning to me. It was swift and unexpected. I had never felt any emotion similar to what I felt upon death, before. I was too young, that's what I always tell myself. I was too young to experience death. In hindsight, it was lurking for a while in the shadows of my family's darkest moments, but it materialized in front of our very eyes as quickly as it left.

My life turned upside down and inside out. I felt nothing for a while, I had no will to live myself. I just went through the motions, trying to convince myself that life would normalize soon enough. It's been four months and I still feel the effects of death. I had regrets upon regrets and I was in denial that she was gone, forever.

Even now, as I write this, I keep thinking about the last time I saw her and how naive I was. I wish I could go back in time and redo every single day I had with her because I realize now that our time together was extremely short. I would do anything to see her again, to talk to her again, to make her smile just one more time.

It's easy to take someone for granted when you see that person every day. You don't truly miss someone until you never get to see him or her again. That's just the brutal truth, whether you like it or not.

The pain is different than any other I have ever felt. I was hysterical for the first week. I remember that I couldn't sleep that night, my mind racing and still in shock. I couldn't even look at her during the funeral because I knew that wasn't truly her. She wasn't a cold, lifeless body. She was full of warmth, strong in mind and spirit.

My eyes became a constant numb after a few days and it physically hurt every time I cried. My family became closer, but not in the way I was expecting. Mourning the loss of a loved one makes you appreciate those you still have and every moment you spend with them. I began viewing life through a different lens, metaphorically.

I am more sensitive to the topics of death and dying. I am more empathetic toward others in the same position as me. I understand what they feel and what they are about to go through. I can now relate to Harry Potter and Luna Lovegood because being able to see Thestrals is not a good sign.

"But I don't want to cry anymore." No, I want to celebrate her life for as long as I live and then some. Months later and I still have nightmares and any small memory that reminds me of her hits me with the feels.

I still can't believe she's gone. I wish she could have celebrated my eighteenth birthday with me, I wish she could have attended my graduation, I wish she could have sent me off to college. It saddens me to know that I will never be able to share my life with her.

She gave me so much love and support, and without that, a part of me will always be missing. I know she's looking down at me down, hopefully proud, because I can still hear her small voice telling me that she loves me.

I'll eventually grow out of this phase, for better or for worse, and it'll get easier to manage my emotions. I'm becoming more confident in sharing my thoughts with others, such as by writing this article.

I just hope that, by reliving my personal story, those that read this won't make the same mistakes that I did. I am so blessed to have known her for as long as I did, and I hope to follow in her footprints wherever I go.

She remains my inspiration and my role model. Her suffering showed me that my problems meant nothing in the grand scheme of life. Her fighting spirit gave me the willpower to persevere through my own challenges. If there's anything that I've learned from all of this, it's that I should not take anyone's presence for granted because I never know which loved one that death will take away from me next.

I love and miss you dearly. Rest in peace, Nana.