June 15th will mark one year since my proudest and at the same time the most dejected moment of my life; graduating from Joel Barlow High School. The idea that high school was over felt bittersweet as I was ecstatic to be graduating and looking forward to attending college in New York City. I was excited to have my first taste of being independent along with the thrill of moving from a town where nothing interesting ever happens to a bustling city where there was always something new to try. At the same time, however, I knew that my graduation would be the last time that I would be able to see my closest friends together for a while. I viewed this as a chance to say my final goodbyes to everyone I knew before I moved away for the summer. Even though I told people I was going to move a week after graduation, many of my friends expected that we would be able to spend some time together before I left. The ceremony was filled with tearful goodbyes and a plethora of photos capturing the mixed feelings that everyone was experiencing, which made it feel like a perfect send off for me to move away from my hometown. I would be naive to think that I would be able to stay in touch with everyone from my high school, but I was hoping that I would be able to stay in touch with a core friend group and maybe have a couple of my friends come for a visit. While my friend’s told me how they were planning on spending their last summer before heading to college, I was spending my time at storage units packing all of my memories away and counting down the days until I headed off to college. I was upset that I was missing out on the memories I could have made during our last summer before college, but there was not much I could really do. I was forced to move on from them at that time and focus on finding new friends who I could enjoy my college experience with.

When I arrived at Pace, it bothered me that I wasn’t able to see anyone over the summer, but I didn’t want to stay hung up on the past. It wasn’t as difficult as I had though to forget about my friends and focus on trying to find a new friend group to “replace” the ones who I left behind at graduation. Throughout the semester, I still missed being in the close-knit circle of the friends I have had since kindergarten. I managed to keep in touch with a core friend group, but text messages and calls can only go so far in keeping friends connected. I thought that using technology to stay in touch would be the best way to cure my homesickness, but I found the practice to be flawed. Rather than talking face-to-face and having an ongoing discussion in which I could tell that person’s emotions and not abruptly stop since one of us had to go, I found that I had an empty feeling whenever I communicated with my friends on the phone. I had to adjust to having a 15-minute conversation with someone who was scattered throughout the day. Although this may not seem like such a drastic change, these differences that I saw made me long for the days where I was still in high school and would see the same faces in the hallways. While talking during the semester, my friends made plans to visit, but we were unable to meet up for different reasons. It would have been nice to see someone again, but we were all busy trying to adjust to college and I realized that taking a Greyhound bus alone to New York City might not be the safest way to travel for an 18 or 19-year old which might have kept some people from coming. I felt that I missed out on the best chance I had to see a couple of people again before I headed up to Steuben, Maine for the winter break, and I was missing out on hearing the stories that we experienced over our first semester. We stopped talking over break and I felt that being away from my friends for six months made me wonder if I was becoming an afterthought in the minds of those I had once spent most of my time with.

I was determined to make sure that distance would not be the reason I would lose my friends, so I decided that I needed to make a college trip that was overdue. In April, I went down to Drew University to spend a night with my friend Chatham. Going for the visit and seeing one of my best friends made me realize that staying connected was worth it. It was surprising that although we had not seen each other for months, we were on the same page and acted like we were back in high school as if nothing had changed. We talked about how our college experiences have been different and he filled me in on what changed in Easton and Redding. While on the train back, I realized that seeing a person makes a difference in keeping a friendship alive. We were both glad to reconnect and after we managed to stay in contact throughout the rest of the semester. I believe that the reason our friendship was rejuvenated was due to me taking the initiative to visit him. After this experience, I wanted to try and visit someone else, but I did not have the luxury of being a train ride away from most of my friend’s colleges, so I was forced to put my visits on hold until next semester.

Looking back it’s easy to reminisce on all the memories I had with my friends for more than 12 years. From pasta dinners to football games, high school was memorable because of the close friends I made and the lasting bonds we made. It's been rough not seeing anyone over this past year, but I know that I’ll never be able to replace the friendships I’ve had since elementary school; I can only hope to find others who can fill the void until I see them again. I realize that eventually we may all drift apart and head our separate ways, but I’m hoping this doesn't happen anytime soon. While it’s unlikely that I’ll be able to visit Connecticut this summer, I’m optimistic that I’ll be able to make the 750 mile trip down to Easton soon to reconnect with my closest friends and make up for the time lost. I still cherish the memories I have and I hope that I'll be able to make a few more before I graduate college.