My last relationship was a very special one. I had met a boy with whom I was able to fall in love and dedicate almost two and a half years of my life. Even though we lived far apart most of the time because of school, we talked to each other every second we could. I remember feeling as though I was dreaming the perfect life. Eventually, reality started to seep into our fantasy-land and I realized that what I had with this person wasn’t meant to last. Even though I knew I had to close this chapter of my life, I soon realized why I couldn’t let go.
I was terrified of being alone.
It had been so long since I was single and completely dependent on myself that I had forgotten what it felt like. After breaking up with my boyfriend, I remember constantly pressing the Home button on my phone to see if I had any missed phone calls or text messages from him. I never did.
After a few weeks, the pain of missing him began to melt away and I began to do more things that I enjoyed. I went to the gym more, I joined a sorority, I hung out with my girlfriends more often, and I even worked harder on my schoolwork. After a few months had passed, I realized I had spent so much time on my phone talking to my boyfriend that I had lost sight of the opportunities right in front of me.
I soon began to see that, even though I was so in love with my knight in shining armor, who lived so far away, I forgot to pay attention to my own dreams and my own future. I had lost sight of so many things in my life because of the time I dedicated to my relationship, that by the spring of my freshman year of college, I still didn’t know myself, Anneliese.
Do I regret my relationship with this boy? Not for a second. I loved him and there will always be a part of me that still does because of the fact that he was my first real love. This being said, I have to appreciate this time in my life for what it was and understand that there will be many more exciting moments for me. Breaking up with him was terrifying for me because I didn’t want to live my life without him, but I soon realized that the very thing that I was afraid of was the very thing that would springboard me into my success.
Since I became single, I have become more independent, more confident and more proactive. I don’t sulk in the background anymore while my friends go out on a Friday night. I join them! I don’t put off my homework anymore for a Skype date. I get As! I don’t spend hours pining over the question if someone is mad at me or not. I just keep going! It’s funny how dependent you can become on a person just because they have been a constant in your life. You come to rely on this person to comfort you in your time of sadness and to rejoice with you in your time of happiness, but without them, you can spend your time and energy focusing on what truly matters. Yourself.
