Working in retail isn't always easy. And even though the customer supposedly knows best, retail workers usually know something more.
Here are a few of the things you'll quickly learn from working in retail.
1. Folding jeans is an incredible workout.
The Biggest Loser who? If I don't gain a Kardashian-grade ass from all the squats I've had to pop while reorganizing the jeans by size, I'm calling corporate.
2. Organizing shelves is therapeutic.
You see, my mom would beg to differ here, especially given the Hurricane Katrina style of my room. But hanging up clothes and organizing them by size and style is weirdly calming. And it's impossibly satisfying to see the end result. That is, until the tropical storm of middle schoolers rampages through and you have to start all over again. History really does repeat itself.
3. I can inhale 90 percent of a burrito in 10 minutes.
Since my shifts are only four to five hours long, I don't have an official break time that I can clock out for. It's usually an informal 10 to 15 minute one, and that means I have only 10 to 15 minutes to refuel. After all, I don't want to look like an extra in "The Walking Dead" while wandering around the store.
As such, I've trained my body to such peak performance that I can now eat (or more aptly, inhale) 90 percent of a burrito in 10 minutes before feeling queasy.
I'm still working on the last 10 percent though. What's life without a little self-improvement?
4. Customer service means biting your tongue and forcing a smile.
Some days, you really aren't looking forward to dealing with snippy moms and their Starbucks-toting daughters. But hey, that's retail for you. You've just got to grit your teeth and, in your most dripping, saccharine tone, say, "Hi, what can I help you with today?"
And when they inevitably wave you off and leave you in the wake of their strong perfumes and cold treatment, don't let them see you cry. Never let them see you cry.
5. Taking off security tags makes you break a sweat.
Manning the cash register is a more intricate process than I anticipated. There's nothing like having a customer stare at you while you struggle with an especially difficult-to-remove security tag, especially while a giant line snakes around the store behind him.
In those moments, I truly wonder if a person can die from being glared at. Cause of death: sweaty hands and lack of forearm strength.
6. Overthinking your life choices while restocking the clearance section is real.
Trust me, I know this one all too well. When you're by yourself in the back, all you can do is think and remember.
The embarrassing thing you did in elementary school? Remembered. The time you said "you're welcome" to somebody who said, "No, thank you"? Remembered. The time you swung your legs around your desk in your sophomore year chemistry class and ripped in a hole in the ass of your favorite black jeans and had to waddle out of your classroom to get your gym clothes? Remembered. With painful clarity.
7. Employee discounts make it all worth it.
It's also an incredibly clever ruse from corporate to get employees to wear the clothes. What's better than making money from your employees AND getting free marketing? Nothing. Truly nothing.
That being said, I'm 100 percent planning to scoop up this two-piece set I've had my eye on for a few weeks, and I regret nothing. Nothing at all. Pinky swear.
All in all, this is just the life that retail entails. And yes, I've definitely been saving that rhyme for the last line of this article. Sue me.