There are different types of loneliness, some of which are below:
There's the nobody-likes-me loneliness.
The no-one-wants-to-hang-out-with-me loneliness.
The everyone-has-someone-why-don't-I loneliness.
The I'm-not-good-enough-for-anyone loneliness.
And then the everything-is-fine-but-something's-missing loneliness.
* * *
The specificity of what's written above indicates that I've been in those situations, and I have. At each stage of my life, from elementary to middle school, middle school to high school, and now high school to college, I've felt all kinds of lonely.
Don't get me wrong. I have no problem with being alone. I actually prefer it at certain times, and that is completely normal and even necessary. But being alone and lonely are two very different things: you could feel safe and secure when the company you have is yourself, but lonely when you're surrounded by people you love in an exuberant environment.
Something I've learned only as of this year, though, is how to make that loneliness a bit more comforting.
For me, loneliness is the most unbearable when, in that state of mind, I begin to doubt myself and who I am as a person. It makes me believe that first, loneliness is a bad thing and second, that it's my fault I'm feeling this way.
And at that moment, I wish that someone I love and trust would tell me that I couldn't be more wrong, that anyone would be lucky to spend time with me, and that I am so much more than enough.
Then it occurred to me: Why the hell can't I say that to myself? Why should it even seem to mean more coming from someone else? Guess what? It doesn't. It's the other way around, actually.
Saying those things to yourself and trusting in them gives an empowering peace. One that makes you realize that everything is as it should be and that this is a time of its own.
Oh, and it won't be like that forever.
And as I write this, I am smiling because this is the first time in my life that I am able to say these words to myself and actually believe them.
P.S. Just as I started writing the previous sentence, a song called "Beautiful" by Viigo started from my playlist. Honestly, that just goes to show that there is some entity, somewhere that really does care about you. And when you stand up for something good, you will always, always be supported. If you're in a place right now where you can't even begin to think of believing good things about yourself — let alone say them — know that that is perfectly OK. Take it from someone who's been there. But also take this: it will happen, just give yourself time and let life work its magic.
You will.
