Most of you know me as James Macey: a nice, genuine person who is always smiling and upbeat. Well here’s a different side to me you might not know.
Growing up was never an easy thing for me. I wasn’t society’s version of normal. Through my first few years in school, I didn’t realize I was different until a kid pointed it out to me. The moment I found out I had a lazy eye, I didn’t think much of it. I mean, the biggest dilemma at age six was what color crayon I was going to use.
As I grew older, I realized that my eye had been a problem to everyone around me. I would look in the mirror every day and ask myself “why did God have to do this to me?” Going to school was like sitting in a jail cell. The moment I walked through the doors all I’d hear was “lazy-eyed freak”, “are you looking at me?”, and my all-time favorite: “one-eyed warrior”. It hurt to listen to people constantly badger me all through the day.
Everywhere I looked I’d be approached by people who would just stop and stare or people who would just point and laugh. The kind of treatment I received on a daily basis taught me to become independent. From that point on, I taught myself to keep my circle small. Growing up, I had a lot of trust issues because no matter where I turned I was always being let down. I was alone 80 percent of the time and doctors would call it unhealthy, but they didn't know what was going on. I was bullied to the point where I didn't even want to step a foot out the door.
Every time someone asks me to take a picture I cringe because I’m insecure about the end result of the picture. I can’t even look someone in the eye for too long in fear of being made fun of. I know this sounds silly now that I’m 20-years-old and in college, but the issue still persists to this day.
I try not to let my eye get to me, but it holds me back from being myself. Society has labeled me as different. All I can do is sit back and take the beating. Everyone I meet I feel obligated to let them know I have a lazy eye because nine times out of 10 that changes their impression of me.
I grew insecure of other people's judgement and when they disapproved I let it eat me alive. I hung around the wrong people trying to fit in. I felt like that was my only way out and I was everyone's punching bag. Whenever someone was having a bad day they would take out on me. I've contemplated suicide at a very young age. To this day I still am bullied and I'll have to with for the rest of my life.
I found myself in a very dark place and with the support of my family and those friends who chose to be my friend regardless of what other people say I moved on with my life and became a better person. To those who are experiencing bullying don't be afraid to seek help.
