The start of my last year of college is fast approaching, and I am getting increasingly nervous. These last three years have gone by quicker than I could have imagined, and I know this next year will race by just the same. It feels like I’m standing face-to-face with my future but I only vaguely recognize it. There are so many aspects of it that are still a mystery to me.

I’ve known since I enrolled in college that I wanted to major in English and wanted to go into publishing for young adult books, whether my role be as an editor or a literary agent. That goal hasn’t changed in three years, and I don’t expect it will, but it’s becoming more and more apparent that, while I have that figured out, there’s not much else that I’ve planned for.

There are so many other things that I’ve realized I need to plan besides just what I’m studying and what I want to do as a career, things that will shape the rest of my life.

Talk about a lot of pressure.

I have no idea where I want to look for a job, whether I’ll stay near school and all the new friends I’ve made, whether I’ll move back to California to be closer to family, or whether I’ll set out on a brand new adventure somewhere I’ve never lived. What companies will I apply for jobs at? Should I try to get an internship before settling on a permanent job? Do I want to travel before deciding? How am I possibly going to pay for everything I’ll need with a starting position? Will I even get a job? What if everyone who told me an English degree will be useless were right?

All these questions and thoughts float around my head on a constant loop, sometimes at a lower volume, sometimes so loudly I can’t think of anything else. I feel so unprepared to make these decisions. While I have a general idea for how I’d like my life to go, I can’t imagine making all these decisions that will cement my future when I’m only barely into my 20s.

It’s hard not to compare my situation to other people around me, people who seem to have it all figured out and who are making strides toward achieving all their dreams and goals. I know I’m taking my own steps toward what I want, but the closer to get to graduating, the more unsure I am of where I want to step next.

I’m going to stay on the path I’ve been taking and hope that this next year gives me a clearer picture for what I want to do after graduating. That’s what this last school year will be for me — a time to prepare for the future and figure out what, exactly, I’m going to be doing a year from now.