Dear God,
Sometimes I have no Idea what I'm doing. Where am I supposed to be? I have this fear, the kind of fear that keeps me up at night, a fear that what I am doing with my life right now is not what I'm supposed to be doing in the future. Is this path in life the one I'm supposed to be walking down? I feel a tug on my shirt or a whisper from across an ocean with your answer to all my questions, but I can only make out a slight murmur of the words that define my future. Is it reassurance or redirection that hang on your breath? It's so close but still a distant reach away.
Lord, how do I go on if I am constantly questioning every breath held or every thought kept from becoming a word? Where are you? Please, Father, help me to see where I'm headed, and if I'm not meant to see, give me faith to push through and follow the path straight to you.
In your Holy name,
Amen.
Side note: No, the above prayer doesn't give you all the answers, and no there isn't a bright side to this prayer, either.
The question is: Does there always have to be a light at the end of the tunnel in everything we do?
Often times in society, we, as humans, are encouraged to hide our emotions. Emotions = weakness, and no one wants to be seen as weak, right? So we shut ourselves out and hold in the thing that reminds us of our humanity and the thing that pulls us closer to God: our heart. Sometimes in life, God hasn't lit the light at the end of the tunnel yet, even though we expect there to be one. Let me share this beautiful reality with you: That's okay. It's okay to feel pain. It's okay to cry and scream and shout out for the suffering to end.
Religion often creates this false belief that we must be content with life through struggling and strife to be considered 'strong.' We get so caught up in looking strong that we neglect to realize that one of the strongest things a person can do is be vulnerable with their emotions. Some of the most thick-skinned prophets have the most emotional, heart-breaking lamentations in the Bible. King David, for example, seen as strong and proud, does plenty of lamenting portrayed as songs in the book of Psalms. ( Check out Psalm 13 sometime... )
Pain is inevitable. We are humans and we feel. We hurt ourselves and others. It's who we are. The question is what do you do with that pain and strife? Whatever you need to do. Scream, cry, break something! When we hold in our emotions we deny the very thing that gives us a gateway to God. Without the pain and struggle, we have no trust in God, no faith in His word. He created us to want Him, and without a life of hurt, Faith in what is to come would mean nothing.
So I urge you not to hold back or fake a smile when in reality you're crumbling. I urge you, as a human, to be human and to feel every emotion. Feel with someone or alone, feel while listening to music or while writing it, or just cry. Let it out. But as you feel the pain received, look up. Look to God and cry out to Him. He wants to hear and cry with you.
There isn't always a light at the end of the tunnel and there shouldn't be. It wouldn't be 'Faith' if there was. So I will continue to cry this prayer out to God, and I will continue to question everything. But I will never neglect to look for God in the pain, and I will cry with God and allow him to work through the strife to light my own light. I will never forget who lights the light when I can't find a way to do it myself.
Sincerely,
A Human.
