The week before commencement, a few friends and I drove to a lake house in New Hampshire and spent several days on Lake Winnipesaukee. The lake house was on an island, surrounded by breathtaking views that I had never been privy to during my childhood in South Florida. The first time I stepped off the boat and onto the dock at the house, I looked around and saw water spanning in all directions before my eyes, gently glistening under the sun and yet ever so calm. There were a few other islands in sight, all of which seemed to be perfectly lined with mismatched houses, each with its own history. Being raised in South Florida hardly made me a stranger to large bodies of waters and island houses, but the tranquility was strikingly new. There was no row of beach umbrellas with families talking over each other, no constant sound of waves breaking. I could actually hear birds and insects, the occasional boat in the distance and even the flag fluttering in the wind. It was this unusual level of calm and quiet that allowed me to forget all my concerns and trivial thoughts. For these days, I gave up my daily habit of goals and to-do lists and let my mind just be.
When we first arrived, we didn’t have Internet. I thought it would be a challenge, a final obstacle before walking the stage at commencement next week. At the very least, I thought it would be some well-needed Netflix detox. But it wasn’t. I didn’t even have to really try. We spent the days soaking in the sun, listening to the radio, playing board games and not worrying about everything we left behind, which inevitably led me to reflect on the notion of a weekend getaway for the sole purpose of disconnecting.
The idea of disconnecting for a few days is very popular and has some merit because to a large extent it serves its purpose. Leaving behind your life for a few days in search of calm and peace puts many of your concerns on hold. Life, in your eyes, will pause. Then, in several days when you are fully recharged, you surface back into your life and tackle any problems you may have had. The problem I see with this approach is that after disconnecting from society, nothing has changed. Disconnecting only works if things change. And by things, I mean you. You felt the need to disconnect for a reason, and I think it is these reasons that you should probably rethink.
Even though I had so much time on my hands to let my mind wander in unforeseen directions, I didn’t worry about all the mundane concerns that seem to constantly nag at my mind. I focused on the positive aspects of my life, and it reminded me of how lucky I am. As I was leaving the island, I made the conscious effort to write down my normal concerns that I hadn’t given any thought to over the weekend, and a majority of them revolved around relationships.
Relationships are interesting at this point in my life, because as a soon-to-be college graduate (one week!), divergent relationships are inevitable. It used to make me sad to think of leaving behind all the amazing people whom I’ve met and who have largely made me into the person I am today. But, after this getaway, I was no longer sad. Throughout those days, I had managed to keep in touch and get closer to the friends I had valued the most during my time in college.
It is impossible to remain close friends with all your college friends. I had to repeatedly say goodbye to many people over the last couple weeks, knowing very well that I would likely not keep in touch with most of them. But it’s not sad anymore because I know that I won’t have a problem strengthening and growing the relationships that will matter to me in 50 years. After reflecting, I know exactly which relationships I want to keep: the ones with the people who make me want to be a better individual and encourage all my dreams as if they were their own. These relationships are rare to find, and I have been lucky to find them so early in my life. As I return to Boston and look past graduation, I will not try to divide my time over a large number of individuals in the hopes that I can maintain close relationships with all of them. It would keep me from really living my life, and I would miss out on the lessons new people have yet to teach me. I am happy to have made this realization about myself and be at peace with it.
My advice is to consciously listen to your thoughts when you disconnect, so when you return to your ordinary life, you focus on what actually matters to you. Let go of the trivial things and people you forgot about in a few hours. If it took a mere few hundred miles and few hours for you to forget something or someone, that something or someone is not worth keeping as you move on to a new stage of your life. That way, when you return to your life, you know exactly how to move forward, and with whom.
