Cattiness; a behavior involving spite, manipulation, and insincerity. We've all either witnessed it, acted as such, or have been victims. If you are a girl, this issue is likely even more prevalent. Yes, guys do experience cattiness as well, but from my point of view, this issue is more common among girls/women. I can't even begin to count how many times I have either overheard a group of girls speaking horrible about one another for the most ridiculous reasons, or have heard stories about what so-and-so did to get back at so-and-so. I'll admit that even I have been involved in such immaturity throughout my life, and no matter how recent or long ago it may have been, I will forever be embarrassed that I stooped to such a low. Honestly, the older I get and the more I interact with people, the more I realize that part of the reason so many of us girls feel so insecure, paranoid, or frustrated with ourselves is because we've chosen the route of tearing each other down instead of building each other up. No, not all of us are like this, I happen to know dozens of girls who are kind, genuine, and trustworthy and are always there to lift one another's spirits. I make it a point everyday myself to try to be this type of girl; treating others the way I want to be treated. However, there are those who are really two-faced, manipulative, and just downright nasty. A few issues that many young women are dealing with are a lack of trust, self-esteem, or difficulty finding true friends in their fellow women. We often blame the media and society for many of these issues, but in reality it is likely caused by those we surround ourselves with. Well, it's time this comes to a permanent end, because I for one have had enough.

We are exposed to the cruel nature of others as soon as we are able to walk and talk, and elementary school is the breeding ground for this behavior. This is where cliques form, bullies thrive, and friendships are broken. I remember being in second grade and witnessing a few girls tease another girl all because she didn't own the latest outfit from Limited Too or use Lisa Frank school supplies (barf). Fast forward to middle school, the cattiness only worsened. I unfortunately was at the receiving end of a lot of this bullsh*t because I didn't conform to the popular fads and trends of the late 2000's (barfs again). Literally, I was called every nasty word in the preteen book all because I still shopped in the kids clothing section and didn't drool over Justin Bieber (I preferred heavy metal, but I guess that was just me). It wasn't just me who was in the midst of all this preteen girl angst. Even the "popular" girls struggled as they felt the need to fit a certain mold in order to be liked. Unfortunately, in middle school girl world, gossip fueled every conversation and almost everything became a beauty or popularity contest. Looking back, no one honestly seemed happy, but rather insecure to the point that they took to shaming others to "make themselves feel better."

Fast forward a couple of years to high school. Yeah, everyone matured somewhat but the drama was still there, only now it was about who slept with who, fake friends, or how hot or unattractive someone was. Like, why couldn't we all have just realized that there was more to our teens than this? Why couldn't we have just encouraged one another to be the best we could be instead of focusing on superficial aspects? So many fights broke out among various friend groups about literally the stupidest things. This was also the age that the issue of "slut-shaming" began as well, and though stereotypically guys are the ones this action is blamed on the most, I have seen it done more by girls, and even worse by girls who have been known to be friends with the girls that they shamed. Along with this, it seemed like the only thing high school girls loved to do in their spare time was create drama and spread rumors. Within my own group of friends there was always drama about something and someone was always angry at one another. Why couldn't we all get it through our heads that during such a vulnerable time-the teens-that we needed each other's support more than ever? Growing up as a girl is hard enough, we certainly didn't need to add nasty gossip and stupid fights to make it harder.

Now, in college, I have to say thankfully the catty behavior has died down somewhat, but certain aspects still remain. For instance, I have witnessed girls shame other girls mainly through social media. Talking behind someone's back has slowly been replaced by the digital "hate crime" of cyberbullying. I used to be friends with a girl who literally would always be scrolling through Instagram exclaiming how each girl on her feed was either fat, ugly, a whore, stupid, etc. This was her idea of fun. Needless to say I quickly ended that friendship. What a downright shame it was that she was so insecure about herself that she chose to put others down. One thing I won't ever stand for is associating myself with those who love to belittle people and spread horrible gossip like wildfire. As the saying goes, "hating her won't make you pretty." Maybe we should all rewatch that scene in Mean Girls where Tina Fey's character exclaims: "you all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it ok for guys to call you sluts and whores." Well, she certainly had a point!

The last thing I'll discuss is just how manipulative it is that some girls can literally smile in your face and act so friendly only to gossip about you when you aren't around, and in some cases you wouldn't even suspect it because they hide it so well. Listen, there are always going to be people that you dislike and even hate as you go on in life, for we are human and aren't going to like everyone we meet. However, don't do things out of spite such as liking their statuses, pictures (etc), or giving them backhanded compliments. This happens a lot and the reason is usually to "poke the bear" and try to irritate them as a way to prove some point. Just be civil and respectful; be the bigger person. Yes, it can be hard but the mature person sucks it up and goes about their day. Sometimes in life we have to deal with people we dislike and it's time we be adults about it.

I really hope you understood where I'm coming from here. Catty behavior will never go away for good, but we can work to reduce it by just taking those few extra seconds to stop and think about the effects our words and actions have on both others and ourselves. Like, is it really worth it to gossip openly about your hatred for another girl, or to blab to your friends about some girl's sex life? No, it certainly is not. Her life is her business. Don't make it yours or your topic of conversation. As they say, "you are what comes out of your mouth." As women, we need to be empowering one another and supporting each other, not becoming each other's enemies. The world is hard enough on us as it is.