As people, we’re constantly searching—searching for the things we don’t even know we’re looking for. Whether we admit it or not, we are never okay with the uncertain. It leaves us feeling empty, abandoned, insecure, and vulnerable because it takes our perfect, intricate plans and tends to throw failure back in our faces—mocking the things we had intended for ourselves.
In these phases of life, we desire a specific moment in time where everything just makes sense—a moment where all the confusion and pressure we’ve felt instantly clicks and then disappears. Only a few of us are lucky to have these moments because for the most part, transparency has a way of remaining hidden.
Sometimes these moments of clarity happen because you experience something that you didn’t know you needed reminding of—that thing that brings you back to your roots, a time in your life where you felt most content, etc. Other times, these instances happen when we become so overwhelmed with life that it’s only when we step back that we realize what things needs to change.
Today I stepped onto a plane at 5:00 am that was headed straight for D.C.--the place I fell in love with junior year of high school because it offered me a solace when I needed it and allowed me to be my own person. It is the place that I hope holds my future.
And so, today I will attend an orientation for GWU’s DPT program. And on Friday, I will tour a school in Lynchburg, VA (another place I could potentially see myself down the road).
These decisions—the ones regarding my future—have been some of the most terrifying ones that I’ve had to make in a long time. I can be a worrier—and the choices that I’ve been making have been causing me to feel unnecessary pressure.
I think the pressure I’ve been feeling is because I’ve been searching for the answers in black and white, right or wrong. I’ve let the uncertainty get to me without even recognizing it. I’m always asking myself, “What if I make the wrong decision?” “What if I screw everything up?” “Why does this process make me feel self-fish?"
Today, I had my moment of clarity.
Today, I was reminded of who I am when I am at my best.
I am at my best when I am going new places and seeing new things. I am at my best when I am seeking the things that I am curious about. I thrive when I chase the places I’ve fallen in love with.
And this time, I’ve fallen in love with the idea of going North. I desire to be somewhere new and exciting—a place where the pace of life is faster than Auburn and life will challenge me with new experiences.
Being on that plane and flying towards the place that I’ve been envisioning myself for so long reminded me of how empowering and real it is that I am one step closer to what I want to do and who I want to be.
Although the uncertainty of my future will always be present, I can no longer give it the power to tell me that I am not worthy of this opportunity.
I deserve this. I am doing this for myself. I am worthy of wherever I end up.
To those who fear making the wrong decision, time and small steps will reveal the right thing for you. Be aware that life will take you places you didn’t know you’d end up, but don’t let the reality of that tell you who you can or cannot be.
