Have you ever been in the situation where you stumble upon a conversation about a topic you’re not informed about, but leaving the conversation would be weird since you just arrived? Me too. Here are some of my tips to guide you through the semi-awkward social interaction without losing your cool.
First, establish the alpha-male (or female) of the conversation. This requires a keen sense of people reading. Or, just pay attention. Yes, that means put your phone down and stop using it as an excuse to not be actively involved in the conversation. It’s an obvious move. The alpha is not necessarily the one who started the conversation, which you wouldn’t know because you just arrived, but rather the person who appears to be most invested in the discussion. When someone is speaking listen for inflections in their speech or the speed of which they’re talking. Most often when someone is sure of what they’re talking about their speech is more animated and they may talk faster because they are educated about the subject and are pulling the information from their mind as they speak, creating a brain-to-mouth connection that works at about the same rate of the speed of life. If that’s not helping, look at the listeners. It’s nearly impossible for someone to hide his or her thoughts while unconsciously listening to another. Who’s furrowing their brows? Who makes faces of agreement or disagreement when an opinion is stated? Chances are, they’re the alpha because they are invested in the conversation past the point of casual conversation making. Now that you have established the alpha, avoid them. Look at them while they’re speaking, but avoid eye contact, and if someone interjects the alpha, look at the person instead, and most of all, do not talk to them directly about the topic at hand. Instead, if the conversation shifts to you, focus your vision on a side speaker and make vague statements that can be applied to any situation, such as “if I can make a point, our perceptions are subjective to this situation and we are bound to have different thoughts on the matter” or, your safest move, ask a the question to an answer that might have been mentioned before your arrival like “where again did this happen?”
Secondly, if you still feel unprepared and are still losing your cool, use the cellphone distraction as a ploy to finding information. Technology is great these days. Use it. Discreetly type into your phone’s search engine, which honestly shouldn’t be anything other than Google, and type in the topic matter. Not sure exactly what it is? Use context clues from the conversation. Locations, names, and dates work the best, but if you have all three. Though Google has found what I was looking for on multiple occasions with less to work with.
Thirdly, you can take the high route and be honest, but don’t wait too long. Shortly after your arrival discreetly ask the person next to you what everyone is talking about. Odds are, they know what’s up. Or, if there is a dull in the conversation mention it aloud to the group, this way ensures that the others will not look to you for input or if they do, they will do so knowing that you are new to the conversation and any statements made by you are to be taken as new information. If you know the topic of the discussion, but not the topic itself, try the phone trick again or take your honesty to the next level. Let the group know that you are uniformed about the topic. Depending on the subject you may receive looks of disgust or disapproval; which is usually the case when a current event is being discussed. Ignore it or make up an excuse as to why you don’t know. Ignoring it is probably the better way to go. Someone is bound to repeat the basic information of the situation and from there you can start to form your own opinions.
Lastly, if all else fails or you’re too nervous to at least try, run. Down whatever you’re drinking and leave to go refill it, but never go back. Or, act as if you have a phone call that is far too important to dismiss. The possibilities are endless; just make sure that your reason of leaving isn’t a messy one where someone stops to ask where you’re going. Book it if you need to. At the end of the day you’ve either avoided a complete social disaster or rocked its entire world and you know what’s up.
