I am one of those people who thinks about things until the subject is completely exhausted. I analyze things until I'm blue in the face... it's just what I do. And it's made me come to the conclusion that not many people do the same. A lot of people my age do not exactly share my enthusiasm for thinking long and hard about life. Probably because they have lives and things to do. But seriously, I think it goes back to this intense fear of not living in the moment. People would much rather be "in the moment" than in reality. I don't blame them. "The moment" is controlled by our feelings and impulses..most of the time self-satisfying. Reality, on the other hand, is controlled by, well, reality. Reality presents life unfolding in front of us, whether we like it or not.

So in order to escape dealing with reality, I think we also escape from something that is very important -- self-evaluation. I'm not saying this is a healthy thing to do consistently because it is in fact incredibly unhealthy to constantly analyze yourself. They have special institutions for people who do that. But it is important to take a step back and see yourself as you truly are. To look back on recent decisions and life patterns and say, "Hey, what was my motive behind that? What is my motive behind anything I do? Am I really the great person I think I am?" Sometimes it takes a certain circumstance to knock us down a peg to where we can actually see ourselves as we really are; messed up. The moment we start thinking we're not messed up is the moment we start thinking we are better than we really are.

I'm not encouraging any kind of depressing, self-destructive habits like telling yourself you're awful and shouldn't even bother trying to be better. OK, example. For me personally, I tend to get all high and mighty very easily. I have this notion that because I'm a 'good' person and genuinely try to follow Christ that I'm like this superwoman Christian that everybody should look at me kind of girl. It's true! And I'm willing to bet almost anyone who reads this can admit to at some point feeling this way too. So in my head, somehow I become the standard for what other Christians should strive to be. I know, I'm insane. If everybody acted like I did, it would be one sassy, judgmental world. But it's what I have noticed about myself. So when someone does something that's wrong, I get really offended. It's like, "wow, I would have never done that. I knew that was a bad idea. If only you had my brain, maybe you wouldn't have done that. Man, you're missing out by not having my voice in your head nagging you to do the right thing all the time." I'm messed up. Obviously.

But you know what, I know I'm messed up. It's something I've finally stopped running from. Because it's actually good I'm messed up. It's good I get nervous when singing for worship, freak out, and sing the wrong part. I mean, it technically stinks because it was pretty embarrassing, but in God's eyes it's a good thing. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be as close to perfect as humanly possible because I don't want to let anyone down. And when I do mess up in an obvious way, I take it really hard. Honestly, it's stupid and prideful of me to expect I won't mess up. Who do I think I am? Everyone messes up! Why would I be any different? God puts situations like that in my life to make me evaluate why it embarrassed me so much. Was it because I looked bad? Because I let the rest of the team down? Because for once, Sarah didn't have her life together? Maybe you think it's a lot to read into one mistake, but I sincerely believe that that mistake helped me to pinpoint some areas to work on in my faith.

God talks a lot about weakness. In fact, throughout the Gospel, Jesus demonstrates weakness by weeping, crying out in distress, flipping out in the temple when He was upset. When I see Jesus, I see someone who put His weakness out there to be seen by everyone. So why am I the polar opposite? Stuffing my weakness down so no one can see them? Because heaven forbid Sarah has a problem. It's really dumb. And I'm learning to change that! I love this translation of 2 Corinthians 12:10:

"Therefore, I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong."

Another beautiful example of weakness in Scripture is in Psalm 51:17: "My sacrifice, Oh God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you will not despise."

The American evangelist D.L. Moody once said, "When a man has no strength, if he leans on God, he becomes powerful!"

David Brainard, a missionary to the Native Americans, put it this way, "Once more, never think that you can live to God by your own power or strength; but always look to and rely on Him for assistance, yea, for all strength and grace."

And perhaps my favorite thought on weakness comes from the great mind of Charles Stanley who said, "No no one enjoys feeling weak, whether it is emotionally, spiritually, or physically. There is something in the human spirit that wants to resist the thought of weakness. Many times this is nothing more than our human pride at work. Just as weakness carries a great potential for strength, pride carries an equally great potential for defeat."

I encourage you to do some self-evaluating. To learn to share your weakness with others. And to remember that Christ is the standard, not you or me.