So lets get the science-y side out of the way..
Depression: "A mental condition characterized by feelings of severe despondency and dejection, typically also with feelings of inadequacy and guilt, often accompanied by lack of energy and disturbance of appetite and sleep".
"Clinical Depression is often said to be caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, and this is what most drug treatments are based on. Certainly in many cases, there is a reduction in the amount of certain neurotransmitters found (monoamines such as serotonin and norepinephrine) in depressed people"
"It is never a “normal” part of life. Depression, which is treatable, can come from chemical imbalances in the brain, hormonal changes, medications or things going on in your life. Women suffer from depression twice as often as men. One out of four women may have depression sometime during their lifetime."
"What part of the brain is affected by depression: Amygdala: The amygdala is part of the limbic system, a group of structures deep in the brain that's associated with emotions such as anger, pleasure, sorrow, fear, and sexual arousal."
(Credit for the above information: Google)
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Now that we have covered the science-y side of depression, Here is what I wish you knew about depression and me :
I wish you knew that I'm constantly trying to be better and better myself, for you reading this, for everyone around me, for everyone involved in my life and for myself. I am constantly trying. I wish you knew that I know I put the thoughts in my own head but sometimes its out of my control. Sometimes I can't talk my self out of thinking that the world is against me but I try really hard.
I wish you knew that my depression kicks in at night which is why I seem perfectly fine during the day, and when I'm with people. It seems like I'm not okay when I'm alone but at night is when life turns off and Im no longer distracted but my brain goes a million miles a minute and doesn't stop. I wish you knew that just because I am depressed doesn't mean I'm suicidal. I want to keep going in life. I want to reach the light at the end of the tunnel. I want to be able to say that I did it and I beat my depression.
I am, not suicidal just because I am depressed. I do not constantly think about killing myself because I am depressed. I WANT to live, I WANT to keep going. I WANT to see better days. I wish you knew that I don't need everyone to "get me help". I just need support and love and others to have faith in me when I can't find it myself. I don't need to be "fixed." I am not broken. We fix toys and vacuum cleaners, not people. We love people and we support them. We encourage them, and give them that nudge when they need it.
I wish you knew that I am successful despite my depression, I have a job, I go to school, I have a family, I work hard and I never stop trying. I wish you knew that I am not a toxic person. I am kind, I am caring, I put others before myself, I make sure to go the distance for everyone, I do everything I can for everyone else, I do everything I can to make someone else's day. I am the complete opposite of toxic, and I believe I am like that because of my depression, I believe that you never know whats going on in someone else's life, so why not do what you can to be kind? Why not go the distance to be nice?
I wish you knew that I appreciate every moment a little bit more that the average joe. I wish you knew that sometimes communication is a bit tough for me but again, I am trying. I wish you knew that I am thankful for everyone and everything in my life. But most importantly, I wish you knew that I am not my depression. I'm not toxic, I'm not crazy, I'm not all the stereotypes that come with depression. I'm a human, I'm a girl, I'm a daughter, I'm a sister, I'm a niece, I'm a granddaughter, I'm a girlfriend, I'm a friend, I'm a student, I'm an employee, I'm a hard worker, I'm a caring person, and I'm a person with feelings a bit different from yours. But nonetheless, I am NOT my depression. I am Me, a girl who is working on herself and a girl who is working to better herself.
