A few days ago, I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and came across a photo caption from Lora Mathis, which read, “Kiss your friends' faces more. Destroy the belief that intimacy must be reserved for monogamous relationships. Be more loving. Embrace platonic intimacy. Embrace vulnerability…”
Physical intimacy expressions like hand holding, hugs, or touch, release the hormone oxytocin, which produces feelings of attachment or trust between persons. Not only this, but the act of touching in non-sexual context also has the capacity to bring forth feelings of security. There are a number of ways in which touch and hugging can have physical health benefits, like lowering blood pressure, as NPR reports. Physical intimacy also has strong relations to emotional vulnerability prompted by feelings of connection and reassurance through touch.
It is usual, though, that most of us attribute intimacy to romantic relationships, which is fine, because that exists. However, in reserving intimacy for romantic relationships based on that belief, it limits physical or emotional modes of support outside of relationships with our significant others. Hugs and hand holding within friendships is commonplace in many other countries, yet is not frequently stressed in customary American practices. In fact, many people repress such expression based on the perceptions other people may have of them, and that’s problematic.
Perhaps one of the larger reservations that we have about intimate expression is its association with emotions. Physical expression that relays, or is in association with emotion, is not readily displayed within our society. People, particularly men, fall under the enforced standard of emotional repression because it represents “weakness.” Physical displays of intimacy are then retracted because of their correlation to emotions, making these expressions only specific to, or acceptable in, monogamous relationships.
I understand that a lot of us feel uncomfortable being touched, and that’s okay. It is also okay to vocalize discomfort when we do not want to be held or hugged, and people should respect that. Though, there is the possibility that some of this discomfort stems from the notion that physical intimacy should only be reserved for relationships, and with that mindset, we retract physical comforts and assurance through platonic touch. There arises a number of issues when we associate physical intimacy with romantic intentions or advancements, and by doing that, we diminish the potential for physical intimacy to exist within friendships.
Touching provides many good benefits, and can often lead to emotional support and comfort. Hugs, hand holding, and displaying emotions with or without physical expressions should be fully embraced within our everyday practices. By only assigning intimacy to romantic relationships, we resist the potential for physical and emotional expression to flourish in other relationships, and to have that be acceptable.
