What?! A young adult talking about boys?! That’s weird and definitely not an overused trope.
Yes, I know, I am being a stereotypical girl, but relationships are a huge portion of life that dominates nearly everything. Why do we do the things we do? The answer is most often “relationships”.
I have always been a little bit boy-crazy. I never vibed well with girls and I’ve always been more inclined to relationships with boys. This has most obviously set me up for awkward situations and a surplus of knowledge that absolutely must be shared with the world.
Recently, I was hanging out with some girlfriends (oxymoronic, I know, considering the last paragraph) and we were throwing around the usual girl talk. I began explaining how I’ve met a really great guy and I’m graduating two years early and blah blah blah, me me me. They were honestly shocked how put-together my life was, especially when it came to meeting the guy I have. I got to thinking: “Why do we date such crappy guys? Why do we all follow this sort of pattern in love?” And that’s when it hit me; there are five kinds of guys we all love, albeit in different ways.
Obviously, no one will follow this exact pattern, or timeline, or actually love these five guys. Sometimes, people get lucky and get married right out of high school without going through the throes of casually dating in your twenties. And yes, anyone over the age of 21 is going to look at this and say “Wow, look at Little Miss 19-Year-Old thinking she knows about love and relationships” and yes, I understand your skepticism, but I am an advanced Little Miss 19-Year-Old, thank you very much.
With that, I give you, the five guys (or girls, or both) that you will love:
1. The First Love
As with any first, The First Love is a learning experience. Neither of you truly know how to have a relationship yet and fully understand all the sacrifices that come with it. The First Love is a chance to learn how to bare your soul and relate to someone on a deeper level; it’s a chance to figure out how to share. The First Love is also a time for you to learn what characteristics you do and do not like in a partner. Because of that, The First Love is usually geared towards failure. Since it’s a learning experience, there will be so many mistakes that the relationship usually ends up irreparable. The two of you will fight and then make up and think that all the fighting and intensity is just “the passion of love”. Don’t be fooled: the fighting and the disconnect are indicators that you are not yet ready for a relationship of that magnitude, or that you are both clearly meant for something else. The First Love may hurt, and they may suck a little bit, but part of the growth from this relationship will leave you always wanting the best for them (maybe).
2. The One That Got Away
The One That Got Away (TOTGA) is usually a direct result of a friendship gone haywire. If you’ve ever taken psychology and learned about the elements of attraction, proximity plays a key role. With any person, the closer you are to them, the more likely you are to be attracted. TOTGA is usually the purest and most innocent of the people you’ll love because the relationship never got the chance to go forward from the starting point. Some confuse TOTGA with a crush, but you cannot confuse the two. A crush is rooted in obsession, but TOTGA is rooted in respect and admiration. Naturally, some people will construe TOTGA and turn it into an obsession, but people who truly missed TOTGA will always hold that person in a high regard. The relationship (or lack thereof) of TOTGA is important in that it teaches you how to face disappointment and do things for others based outside of selfish motivation. For me, TOTGA taught me how to be kind and appreciate the people and relationships I have. You’ll always love TOTGA because you never got the chance to see what could or would happen. Though you can be sad about TOTGA, never pity yourself - it has taught you for the better.
3. The DudeBro.
The DudeBros. are a metamorphic relationship which starts in an actual relationship and transforms into the strongest of platonic bonds. The DudeBros. will be there for you no matter what, and your friendship will be easy and hilarious. Most importantly, you each become the best wingmen to each other. Don’t get me wrong, there are tumultuous aspects of the relationship with The DudeBro., particularly during the transformation period. They may be a tiny bit bitter, maybe even angry, but over a bit of time, the two of you are so similar that your bond just can’t be broken and a friendship is inevitable. The DudeBro. can come from many different backgrounds and situations, including the dreaded Friendzone. Never doubt the importance of The DudeBro. No matter what dumb things they do, or how awkward your relationship was pre-friendship, you will always love The DudeBro. and only want the best for them. If the opposite sex could be in your wedding party, they’d be the bridesmaids.
4. The Bad Choice but Good Time
Similar to The First Love, this relationship is doomed from the start. The Bad Choice but Good Time (BCGT) is someone you pick up randomly, and know that a long-term relationship would be horrible, but you just can’t help but love them. The BCGT comes in two different forms: The Physical and The Relational. The Physical BCGT is the bad decision making that results from the modern hookup culture. These BCGT people are most likely actually crappy people, but the society we live in now makes it seem like it’s okay to stay with them. Whether you love them out of self-pity, or depression, or self-destruction, this BCGT is absolutely the worst of all the loves because they are no positive benefits.
However, the Relational BCGT is a good growth experience. These BCGTs are a great chance to learn how to relate to people who are highly different than you, and therefore teaches you the kind of people you genuinely want a long-term relationship with. The problems that occur in the Relational BCGT are usually a result of different worldviews that cannot be negotiated in a healthy, long-term relationship. These include things such as religion, culture, and life goals. These BCGTs are easy to be around and are good times (that’s why they are BCGT). In my case, my BCGT was Relational and he taught me a lot of different things; he even became a DudeBro. Usually, BCGTs end on good terms, and both parties will usually continue to respect each other, similar to TOTGA.
5. The Partner
The Partner is the final type of person you’ll love; The Partner is the person you need to end up with. To an extent, The Partner is a culmination of all the previous people you’ll love, but only in a positive way. The relationship with The Partner will be passionate and full of learning like The First Love, will be respectful and admirable like TOTGA, filled with fun and joy like The DudeBro., and will push you to talk about the deeper things like the BCGT. The Partner comes in a variety of different forms and may have more of one trait from one of the previous loves than the other. Some Partner’s may be 30% more DudeBro. and others may be 50% First Love - everyone is different. The thing that separates them from everyone else is the inclination to actively use the lessons learned from previous loves to positively work on your relationship together. They aren’t just a passing person who got away or someone who is just there to teach you lessons.
The Partner needs to be just that: a partner.
When in doubt about where you are, just keep your eyes peeled for someone who fits you perfectly. You may be in the midst of the tumultuous First Love or the unfortunate Bad Choice, Good Time, but keep your heart and mind open. The Partner could be just around the corner. :)
