So about half way through my college career, well maybe not quite half-way, but somewhere along the way, I decided that I wanted to go to grad school and get my Masters. Be it because I wanted to continue learning, have higher earning potential, or simply because a bachelor’s degree doesn’t quite mean what it used to, it was something that I wanted to do and as a sophomore in college, it was a quite a ways away.
It was future Becca’s problem.
Um, yeah hi, future Becca speaking,: screw this.
Not really screw this in a wow I’m not doing this anymore kind of way, more like screw this in a ‘Oh my gosh, this is absolutely terrifying, I'd defs take on a killer clown over do this any day’ kind of way.
Seriously, I went to submit my first application this past week and one minute I’m scrollin along on the internet, clickety-clackin’ all the buttons, flying high and feeling like such the adult and the next I’m having to think about scheduling my GRE, paying off my current school loans, getting transcripts, scheduling interviews in cities three to six hours away, not to mention if I do actually manage to somehow do all of this, then I have to think about over a year from now, what I want to do with my life, where I want to be, live, work, etc.
Basically, I sat down to fill out this extremely simple application and was absolutely blindsided because jokes on me, I actually have to figure out the rest of MY ENTIRE LIFE in the next five minutes. OH and did I mention I still have to go to class and be student and intern and ‘make the most of my senior year’?
Why do I not remember applying for college the first time around to be this terrifying? I was so excited as a senior in high school, so ready to get out there and do all the grown-up things, and now, as adulthood slowly approaches, I find myself absolutely terrified because I simply cannot see my pizza-roll loving, can’t keep a plant alive to save my life, doesn’t own a checkbook self, managing to somehow do all the things and plan for the future in a way that isn’t going to totally and completely screw absolutely everything up.
I mean seriously, I still forget to turn off the oven, I’m lucky I haven’t accidentally burnt anything down at this point in my life. We are operating on a day-to day basis here, because I’m still shocked when I manage to make it to the next day without seriously injuring myself or others physically, mentally, or emotionally. I may not know if I’ve got clean socks for tomorrow but you want me to figure out my life a year from now? RIGHT.
I am basically a five year old and I have to figure out the rest of my life. What, what what what whatttt. I am so screwed, and honestly I'm past the point of even knowing what to do to fix it but I guess that's why they let adults consume alcohol, who would have thought that's the only good thing about growing up? Because dang it, you might not know diddly squat about the rest of your life, but you do know you've got half a bottle of red wine in the fridge. I guess that's all that really matters.
Maybe I’ll just submit a pretty colored picture of a rainbow instead of a GRE score, that’d work right?
