1. Whoa. What the fuck is this? | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Entertainment

55 Lines From 'Kid Gorgeous,' That You Can't Help But Quote Endlessly

"I can't get no...Happiness? No! Satisfaction? Yeah!"

1896
55 Lines From 'Kid Gorgeous,' That You Can't Help But Quote Endlessly

In This Article:

If you haven't heard of John Mulaney already, once you've read this list, you won't be able to wait to binge his sets on Netflix. Basically, if this is your introduction to Mulaney, you're welcome. But for real, one day, I randomly decided to watch his comedy specials on Netflix, and now I can't get over them. I quote them far too often but am definitely not ashamed of that. For some scale of his humor, I have compiled this list of 55 lines that make me laugh every time I hear them. Also, this is just 1 of 3 specials of his I have seen. Not to mention that I just found out there is an earlier one, so now I've made my weekend plans.....

Mulaney's comedy is a great mix of Chicago accents, hilarious happenings in his own life, with a few bits and pieces included that will definitely catch your attention. If you are looking for a funny and straightforward comedian to watch, give Mulaney a chance. It's refreshing to be able to just laugh without cringing at personal views or trying to get through what should be warned before-hand as a rant. You don't have to agree with the one political section of the show, but you will agree that it is hilarious. Great comedian and a great show, well deserving of its recent Emmy win!

I hope you find these quotes as funny as I do, and that they will soon end up in your repertoire.

1. Whoa. What the fuck is this?

2. My Mommy, so shut the fuck up!

3. I dare you to do it. I want you to do it.

Giphy

4. Street Smarts!

5. "See you at improv practice."

6. Take your Epi-Pen. Take your goddamn Epi-Pen, and get out of my house!

Giphy

7. If we must go on with Salt alone, we will go on with Salt alone.

8. Fucking what?!

9. The bread of God is bread.

Giphy

10. Hey, do you want me to kill that guy for you?

11. That I'm in an abusive relationship with little Miss Jesus Christ over here...

12. I don't remember that in Hamilton.

Giphy

13. Ever been to the goddamn zoo?

14. I think they're turning left.

15. I've got nice hooves and a long tail, I'm a horse!

Giphy

16. Why are we even talking about Penelope? Or whatever her name was?!

17. When you get kidnapped. Not if. When.

18. "Yes." Which is the best answer.

Giphy

19. I know all that. How do you know all that?

20. Ah, none of us know our fathers.

21. I didn't know he knew how to do that.

Giphy

22. No!

23. Yeah!

24. Not funny!

Giphy

25. It came off as if he definitely killed that little girl!

26. How are you better than a Nazi?

27. This is a horse. Loose in a hospital.

Giphy

28. What would Leonard Bernstein do?

29. Shut up, you're all gonna die!

30. "Hello. My wife is a bitch. And I don't like her!"

Giphy

31. Oh, you mean like having friends?

32. Um...at the time,

33. You can get these at any haberdashery.

Giphy

34. Tonight's no good, how 'bout Wednesday?

35. Buy a money clip? Engraved, question mark?

36. Brush your teeth. Now boom, orange juice. That's life.

Giphy

37. Is it an E, or is it a 3? That's up to ye.

38. Nah, nah, nah sister. You're not getting me to no secondary location!

39. I gave you more money than the Civil War cost, and you spent it already?

Giphy

40. My wife is a bitch, and I like her so much!

41. Hey, it's been a while since you gave us some money. Hey, it's been a while since you've housed and taught me!

42. That's what I thought you'd say, you dumb fucking horse!

Giphy

43. I paid $120,000 for someone to tell me to read Jane Austen, and then I didn't.

44. Thanksgiving!

45. Was there ever even a ghost Mother, or was the dead Victorian girl you saw just me all along?

Giphy

46. "Monkey, monkey, monkey man. Monkey, monkey, monkey man."

47. Salt-N-......Pepa!

48. I don't care for these new Nazis. And you can quote me on that.

Giphy

49. Space bar. Indent. Space bar.

50. No, I don't know anyone on the ship.

51. They have them out of town.

Giphy

52. Now it's time for the Robot Test!

53. I have fired the horse catcher.

54. It's an hour!

Giphy

55. God can't hear you!

Now that you've read this list, you're probably wondering the context behind these lines. Fair question. It might also be helpful to remind you that all of these are just the skeleton behind a single show. Mulaney effortlessly brings all of the topics of his comedy into a complete, and now Emmy Winning set that I personally have watched countless times. You're never really sure where the show is going, not even based on the title. but, that just makes it all the more interesting and entertaining. There is no way Mulaney could be considered, "Not funny!"

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
cousins
Bailey Totten

I've known you your entire life. More than likely I held you in the first three days of it and at least one of us cried. Cousins are truly one of the best things in the world and while sometimes I complain about how many people crowd Grandma's living room on Christmas Eve, I wouldn't trade you all anything.

You are my best friends, the only people who can understand what it's like on Thanksgiving, and you are the spunkiest people I have ever met. But you as so so young, most of you are just now starting your adventures in the public education system. I mean, I'm so very young too. I'm not married, I don't have children, heck, I just started my adult life, but I do want to give you what little advice I have. My dears, these are the things I want you to know.

Keep Reading...Show less
ORHS Graduation
Kristen Sack, ORHS Graduation

You are a senior in high school, you have made it to the final year that you have been looking forward to since the first day of freshman year. Whether this has been the worst or best four years of your life, appreciate it. You will never have these times back, you will never be in high school again. It is hard for someone still in high school to wrap their brain around, but there will be a day when you wish you could be in the shoes you're in right now. Here are 15 things I have learned being in college that I wish I knew as a high school senior:

Keep Reading...Show less
one tree hill
Wikimedia

Everyone, and I mean everyone has heard of the show "One Tree Hill". Many people think that this show is the best thing they've ever watched and others won't bother watching it because they know they'll get hooked. And yes, I know many people have written about this show before, but I couldn't resist. I could re-watch every season multiple times to the point where I can almost quote an entire scene. Trust me, once you start "One Tree Hill", you will be hooked. There's way too many reasons to list as to why you'll love this show, and these are just a few.

Keep Reading...Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Ways To Bring Positivity Into Your Life When All You Want To Do Is Drown In Self-Pity

It seems like life has been serving up more bad than good and in all honesty, the only thing you want to do is crawl under your covers and hide from the rest of the world.

1886
5 Ways To Bring Positivity Into Your Life When All You Want To Do Is Drown In Self-Pity
Photo by Kinga Howard on Unsplash

The first two weeks of classes have come to an end and they have been anything BUT easy. It seems like life has been serving up more bad than good and in all honesty, the only thing you want to do is crawl under your covers and hide from the rest of the world.

Although this seems like the best solution, it is also the easy way out. Take it from the girl who took basically a whole week off from her life because she just could not handle everything that was being thrown at her. This caused her to feel extremely lonely and even more stressed out for being behind in classes that JUST began.

Keep Reading...Show less
friends

1. Thank you for being my person.

2. Thank you for knowing me better than I know myself sometimes.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments