best stand up comedy

55 Lines From 'Kid Gorgeous,' That You Can't Help But Quote Endlessly

"I can't get no...Happiness? No! Satisfaction? Yeah!"

55 Lines From 'Kid Gorgeous,' That You Can't Help But Quote Endlessly

If you haven't heard of John Mulaney already, once you've read this list, you won't be able to wait to binge his sets on Netflix. Basically, if this is your introduction to Mulaney, you're welcome. But for real, one day, I randomly decided to watch his comedy specials on Netflix, and now I can't get over them. I quote them far too often but am definitely not ashamed of that. For some scale of his humor, I have compiled this list of 55 lines that make me laugh every time I hear them. Also, this is just 1 of 3 specials of his I have seen. Not to mention that I just found out there is an earlier one, so now I've made my weekend plans.....

Mulaney's comedy is a great mix of Chicago accents, hilarious happenings in his own life, with a few bits and pieces included that will definitely catch your attention. If you are looking for a funny and straightforward comedian to watch, give Mulaney a chance. It's refreshing to be able to just laugh without cringing at personal views or trying to get through what should be warned before-hand as a rant. You don't have to agree with the one political section of the show, but you will agree that it is hilarious. Great comedian and a great show, well deserving of its recent Emmy win!

I hope you find these quotes as funny as I do, and that they will soon end up in your repertoire.

1. Whoa. What the fuck is this?

2. My Mommy, so shut the fuck up!

3. I dare you to do it. I want you to do it.


4. Street Smarts!

5. "See you at improv practice."

6. Take your Epi-Pen. Take your goddamn Epi-Pen, and get out of my house!


7. If we must go on with Salt alone, we will go on with Salt alone.

8. Fucking what?!

9. The bread of God is bread.


10. Hey, do you want me to kill that guy for you?

11. That I'm in an abusive relationship with little Miss Jesus Christ over here...

12. I don't remember that in Hamilton.


13. Ever been to the goddamn zoo?

14. I think they're turning left.

15. I've got nice hooves and a long tail, I'm a horse!


16. Why are we even talking about Penelope? Or whatever her name was?!

17. When you get kidnapped. Not if. When.

18. "Yes." Which is the best answer.


19. I know all that. How do you know all that?

20. Ah, none of us know our fathers.

21. I didn't know he knew how to do that.


22. No!

23. Yeah!

24. Not funny!


25. It came off as if he definitely killed that little girl!

26. How are you better than a Nazi?

27. This is a horse. Loose in a hospital.


28. What would Leonard Bernstein do?

29. Shut up, you're all gonna die!

30. "Hello. My wife is a bitch. And I don't like her!"


31. Oh, you mean like having friends?

32. the time,

33. You can get these at any haberdashery.


34. Tonight's no good, how 'bout Wednesday?

35. Buy a money clip? Engraved, question mark?

36. Brush your teeth. Now boom, orange juice. That's life.


37. Is it an E, or is it a 3? That's up to ye.

38. Nah, nah, nah sister. You're not getting me to no secondary location!

39. I gave you more money than the Civil War cost, and you spent it already?


40. My wife is a bitch, and I like her so much!

41. Hey, it's been a while since you gave us some money. Hey, it's been a while since you've housed and taught me!

42. That's what I thought you'd say, you dumb fucking horse!


43. I paid $120,000 for someone to tell me to read Jane Austen, and then I didn't.

44. Thanksgiving!

45. Was there ever even a ghost Mother, or was the dead Victorian girl you saw just me all along?


46. "Monkey, monkey, monkey man. Monkey, monkey, monkey man."

47. Salt-N-......Pepa!

48. I don't care for these new Nazis. And you can quote me on that.


49. Space bar. Indent. Space bar.

50. No, I don't know anyone on the ship.

51. They have them out of town.


52. Now it's time for the Robot Test!

53. I have fired the horse catcher.

54. It's an hour!


55. God can't hear you!

Now that you've read this list, you're probably wondering the context behind these lines. Fair question. It might also be helpful to remind you that all of these are just the skeleton behind a single show. Mulaney effortlessly brings all of the topics of his comedy into a complete, and now Emmy Winning set that I personally have watched countless times. You're never really sure where the show is going, not even based on the title. but, that just makes it all the more interesting and entertaining. There is no way Mulaney could be considered, "Not funny!"

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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