I drifted along that path forever and with the darkness of a November rain, I saw him at the surface getting ready for me.

I looked at him, but I couldn’t see him…yet.

Only a very tall shadow and the light of a luminescent lamppost glowing behind him.

I knew he was beautiful.

I could feel it.

I promised myself I wouldn't get hooked on him.

But one breathless moment later and I knew it was too late.

And there he had me, and I needed him.

He would cast out his line.

Hook line and sinker, and he caught me with his luckiest bait: old school, tall, teddy-bear like, charming and greatness.

I knew it was game over.

He started reeling me in, and I knew my life would never be the same.

He would soon become my favorite person in the whole world.

Every word he would whisper in my ear would make me believe I was finally good enough.

Every touch would intoxicate me and validate his beautiful words.

Every kiss would send butterflies swarming in my stomach.

Each night I would lay awake and pray to God,

just so I could thank Him.

One magnificent man.

Every day I knew I was the luckiest

girl drifting along in that big sea.

As he pulled me in and I reached the top,

love spewed from my mouth.

Love choked me in a vulnerable world.

Our worlds had become intertwined.

Gorgeous, yet broken was he.

“Let me help you,” I said.

Yet he decided he wasn’t ready for me.

So he unhooked me, ripped out my heart and threw me back into the dark, cold water.

I sank way, way down to the very bottom, and I stayed there for the longest time while I watched that beautiful man float away from me.

The surface seemed so far away, and I only shook and shivered while my stomach formed a pit and my heart died next to me.

Now that I had a little taste of that world with that man in it, I couldn't breathe in the one I was living in without him.

How could this be? I questioned. I prayed for you, and God answered my prayers with you...

Every night and every day I would look for his line.

Disappointed was I when other fishermen tried to catch a girl like me.

Even when I nibbled for a bit, I’d spit it out.

It wasn’t the same.

Even when I thought I may have found another one.

I'd shake,

shiver,

shudder,

through the night while clinging to things that reminded me of him to feel safe.

To feel at home.

The image of this beautiful fisherman kept swimming in my brain,

and I knew I only wanted to be caught by him.

I saw a bright light in him that complemented my own,

but what broke my heart even more was the fact that he didn't know of this light.

It was like looking into a mirror.

It was like magic.

And it was nothing I had ever felt before.

I thought I was going insane when I’d see that man reel me in again,

and he told me he loved me because I was a good catch.

Yet I’d wake from that dream while tears and sorrow consumed the rest of my night at the bottom of the sea.

It was only a dream; it didn't happen.

I would wait to see his line drop in again.

Yet days felt like a thousands of years,

and I believed he was worth the wait.

Maybe he wonders about me, I would think. The good girl he thew back in the sea full of dark and scary things.

Maybe he regrets what he did.

I would hope and pray that by then he'd know I wasn't just a little fish.

I would hope he realized I was naive and young, only swimming in circles and not giving him what he deserved

because I hadn't ever been caught by a true man.

I prayed he'd see my worth.

How much I've grown.

And reel me in again as a keeper for good.

...But drifting in the water for so long became painful enough.

God anchored my soul, yet my fleeting hope began fading dimmer and dimmer.

And then I gave up looking for that magnificent man's line.

I picked up my dead heart off the sandy seafloor, and let God breathe light into it.

It shimmered.

It began beating again.

Now I see another fisherman drop his line in.

And he is very beautiful too.

He's different.

And I just might give this one my once-broken-now-God-healed heart.

And maybe, just maybe, he'll know I'm a keeper for good.