"We shall never know all the good that a simple smile can do." -Mother Teresa

*Beep beep beep beep* The sound of my alarm jolts me awake.

Most mornings, I don't need an alarm. I wake up before any alarm I'd set would go off.

But some mornings, like today, I don't feel like getting up. Some mornings, I toy with the idea of shaving my head and living in a box for the rest of my life, as dramatic as that may sound. Because life is hard.

And then I smile and say,
“Not today.”

And then I choose to do things that make me happy.

I write random stupid poems and eat mac 'n cheese on my porch in the sunshine and cuddle my cat and wear my favorite underwear and sing REALLY loud in the shower...and then stop because I feel self-conscious, and I smile when it hurts and when it feels like my soul is on fire and when I’m starting to go numb.

And other times, when someone hurts me, I angry cry in the shower; I punch my pillow; I go for a really long run and then lay in the grass and think about all the things that make me So. Incredibly Angry. I sit in my room in the dark and feel my soul-shattering pain ebb and flow, and I say to myself again,

“Not today.”
No matter what, I choose to feel. I choose to live.

Because even when it’s dark, even when it hurts so bad I never think anything will be right in my world again, even when I feel depressed to the point of being completely numb,

The darkness will never fully drown out the light.

Nothing will ever steal the light from my eyes.

Even when the world is simultaneously telling me to be myself and to fit into a perfect mold, even when I don't live up to anyone's expectations (especially my own), even when I miss people and wish I hadn't gone to school so far away (when I know perfectly well that I would be just as miserable if I hadn't), I choose to be happy.

And I have so many friends who think that if they just get to that perfect weight, if they just work a little harder, if they would just end up with their dream person, somehow life will be some happy little dream world. Yet life will never be exactly what they want. No matter what, though, anyone can choose to be happy.

Because, as John Green wrote, "The world is not a wish-granting factory." Life will never be perfect, and you'll make mistakes. Let me say that again: Life will never be perfect. You'll make mistakes. You'll get in a fender bender and gain more weight than you want to, and people you love will leave. You will have regrets and heartache and drama. You'll have sleepless nights when it feels like everything you wanted is crashing in on you. But you can choose to feel all the emotions that come with heartbreak.

Because maybe happiness isn't having a perfect life. Maybe it is simply feeling what you need to feel, and not beating yourself up for it. So let your feelings out. When someone says, "Be yourself," they're really saying, "express yourself." So express your emotions. Spend way too long in the shower. Grieve a lost loved one. Punch a pillow. Dance around your room. Allow yourself to feel. And then you will be able to be happy, because your emotions aren't oppressing you.

So keep feeling. Keep smiling. Keep living. And choose to be yourself even when the world is throwing expectations in your face. Don't let anyone steal your light.