My grandma has a rocking chair, but she's rarely ever in it.
While your grandma is baking cookies, mine is hanging out in the bar with a Shirley Temple, singing her lungs out.
The spicy-showstopper grandma is the raunchiest 77-year-old karaoke singer on the island. She is the most sought after entertainer, constantly getting phone calls and text messages when a new place adds karaoke to their venue. She is best known for the initiation routine she performs for newcomers, and draws a huge crowd wherever she goes.
Maria, (or Mama), spends her time bouncing between the three B's: bingo, bowling and bars. I bowled with her one year and it was the most thrilling experience. It's big for bowlers to have the chance to bowl with their family. This was way before I bowled with my brother.
(Mama and I during theMonday night women's league at Rab's Country Lanes, Staten Island, NY)
Mama isn't your average grandma, she doesn't like to sit still. She jumps from one place to the next, and I had to teach her how to text in order to keep up with her throughout the day. I joke that she is on her way to start her night when I am finished with mine. Friends would text me in the middle of the night expressing their love for my grandma, after she would show up to their local bar to sing. She's extraordinary, and I wouldn't have it any other way!
(Mama and I heading out for an "everything but clothes" karaoke party at the West Shore Inn, Staten Island, NY)
Mama loved to put on a show even when she bowled. It made sense when she found comfort in karaoke a few years ago; now she goes every night! I tag along occasionally to watch her perform. I even asked her to get me a job at one of the karaoke bars, (where I worked for quite a while), and where I started to document her newfound lifestyle.
I will never forget when I first saw her perform during my night shift at a bar on Staten Island.
During one of my shifts, I walked into the karaoke area and was struck by a roaring crowd of smiles and the rhythmic sounds of Christina Aguilera’s, “Genie in a Bottle.” Mama was gripping her microphone and raising her hand over her head, while belting the song. Her presence overpowered the stage and her hearty growl of the words sent vibrations throughout the room. She captivated the audience with her dynamic delivery as she closed her eyes and crouched lower, serenading the room.
Looking past the audience, I noticed a young man seated on the stage, smothered by Mama as he smiled from ear to ear. Everyone was standing close to the stage, holding out their cell phones to capture the sight of Mama gyrating her hips to the Pop hit.
Maria pushed the man’s legs apart and slid between them.
I’m a genie in a bottle baby, gotta rub me the right way honey.
She faced the crowd, grabbed his hand and rubbed the side of her leg to the beat of the song. She continued to dance around the stage and spun toward the man in the chair. He was sweating, but still laughing.
My body’s saying let’s go, but my heart is saying no.
Maria leaned against his chest and pulled his hair back. Cheers were beginning to grow louder. He wrapped his arms around her, wiggling in his chair to the melody. She moved her routine to the floor and encouraged him to dance with her. He started to lift his shirt and she ran her hands over his bare chest, still in tune with the song, and still on the floor. He stood up and pulled cash from his pocket and threw it to the ground around her.
The entire room started to whistle and roar.
Maria stood and pulled her waistband free from her hip as he slid a dollar bill along her belt line. When the song came to an end, I immediately felt the wave of applause, like a hurricane all around the room.
(Mama with dancers, Illusions Night Club, Staten Island, NY)
“When did you start singing karaoke?” I shouted over the loud music.
“This is a story—at the bowling alley, and I would never sing—but liked to hear the people singing. I would stand by the DJ booth, and you know I always have a serious face. One night, I went up to the DJ and asked if I could sing a song. His face dropped, ‘You?’ I shook my head and told him Irene Cara’s "Fame" and he couldn’t believe that I wanted to sing "Fame." Well, when I started singing, everyone came in to the bar to see—saying ‘Who’s that?’ The DJ told me I had to enter his contest next week and I had to sing that song. The people were going crazy screaming MORE MORE! That was my first time. The following week, I won first prize—$150 and then I found other places for karaoke.”
Mama adjusted her glasses and ran to grab the microphone.
“Put your hands together for Saaaaantaaaa Mariiiiiaaaaaaa!” The DJ screamed.
"Chantilly Lace", by Big Bopper started to play and Mama pulled out her cell phone, acting like it’s the ringing that is heard in the song. Her performance grabbed the audience’s attention, yet again.
Do I what? Will I what? Oh baby, you know what I like.
She slammed her flip phone closed and began her upbeat show, swaying her hips to the beat and shuffling around the room. Everyone clapped rhythmically and Rockin’ Ray got up from his chair to dance. His shoulders were shrugging while his arms flung out to each side, shimmying as he shook his hips.
Mama sat back down next to me and I gave her a high five.
“I enjoy making other people laugh, because they’re enjoying it,” Maria spoke through a smile. “You know why I move so much on stage? Somebody told me, once they put you six feet under, there’s no more moving. F*** that s***!”
