Justify, Justify, Justify. It's all about Justify. I hate Justify.

You think Justify is so special? You think the triple crown is so elusive? Give me a break.

There's been 13 of them since the Kentucky Derby started in 1875. That's about one triple crown every 11 years. You want to read about some feats of athleticism that are actually impressive?

Check these crowning achievements of athleticism that I've accomplished over the years, that also happen to make up the bulk of my resume.

Made four consecutive three-pointers in cornhole

And it was kind of dark out, making it that much more difficult.

Scored 84 points in a single basketball game


Regardless of the fact that it was against a third-grader on a nine-foot hoop. 84 points is 84 points.

Dunked a basketball


Same third-grader, same hoop, but a lot more shit-talking.

Ran a mile on a broken foot.


How long did it take? About 25 minutes. But that wasn't so much a byproduct of the broken foot as much as it was the byproduct of me being an overweight child.

Caught a seahorse with my bare hands.

Albeit it was dead.

Killed a bee with my bare hand.


Let me set the scene: senior year, baseball dugout. I hear a bee buzzing behind me. I thought it would be funny if I turned around dramatically, swinging at nothing but air, only to say "Man, I really thought I had it". Quite the comedian, I know.

The thing is I actually managed to swat the bee out of midair. You just had to be there.

Snatched a tennis ball out of midair


This is a tough one to explain. My sister was standing a foot in front of me with a tennis ball. She tried to throw it past me. Perfect. My comedic mind thought: try to catch it, miss it, make funny joke, let laughter ensue.

And once again, I underestimated my athleticism and actually caught the ball. Again, you had to be there.

Took a perfect game into the bottom of the ninth with two outs.


MLB 2K11 was my shit.

Threw a football fifty yards.


A real, leather, regulation-sized, youth football.

Spun a basketball on my finger.


Justify can't do that.