When you ask most people my age what their major is, they respond with cool things like "biology/pre-med," or "engineering," but me? No, I'm the loner of my age group, because the thought of dealing with sick people or numbers makes me nauseous.
I first became intrigued with English in the second grade, when my teacher explained contractions (not the kind a lady has when she's having a child). She said to pretend the words "do" and "not" sat together in a car as "donot." The letter "o" wasn't wearing a seatbelt and flew out of the car (dumb bunny), so the parenthesis in "don't" was the tear the other letters cried at the loss of "o." My sick and twisted little brain thought, "Hey, I like and understand this subject," and it's been my favorite ever since. Obviously my dark sense of humor developed at an early age. To give you an insight in the day of the life of me, here are the things that I, along with my other fellow English majors, experience on the road less traveled.
1. "You must be really hip."
Honey, the only "hip" thing about me are the two hipbones I have in my body. People think English majors are always hiding behind a book and huge glasses in a coffeeshop, covered in artistic literary tattoos. I mean, they exist, but then there's me. I don't exactly fit the stereotype.
2. "So, what grade do you want to teach?"
Being an English major does not necessarily mean you want to be a teacher. Teaching is an honorable profession, but there are other things you can do with an English degree. A well-behaved English major smiles and politely explains his or her future plans that do not end in a high school classroom.
3. "Hey, how do you spell..."
No, Susan, I do not know how to spell "pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis" off the top of my head. Being an English major doesn't mean being a human dictionary. Granted, all the reading we do helps expand our vocabularies, but still. We're only human. We're allowed to have an autocorrect fail every once in a while.
4. "You must do a lot of reading."
Yes, but one does not simply read the words on the page. One must analyze, annotate, write an essay, get the essay ripped apart by a professor, rewrite the essay five more times, contribute the blood of a mythical creature, come up with meanings that aren't even there, then cry oneself to sleep before the "reading" is complete.
5. Grammar policing
I have this problem that's ruining my life. When people text me with a grammatical or spelling error, I will only respond with said error to point out their mistake. For example, if someone said, "What are you're plans for tonight," I would respond "you're." Everyone hates me and I have about one friend left. Please send help.
English majors are the backbone of this country. How would the world go on if people didn't know the difference between "your" and "you're?" Perhaps we are a bit pompous. I try to remind myself that some people seriously don't care about proper English, just like I seriously don't care about anything that has to do with math. I'm slowly learning to bite my tongue.
