We all have that one amazingly fun activity our parents got us into as children. For some it was sports, others it was learning an instrument and the list goes on and on from there. It’s one of those things our parents did to make sure we were social while we were young. It ends up turning into a passion that never truly leaves you. For me it was dance.
I started dancing at the age of five all the way until I was 11-12ish, and for those years dance was my life. I lived to go to practice and go through different stages of performances and challenge myself. Ballet, tap, modern you name it. I did it all. Towards the end of my young dance career, I had my heart broken by my assistant dance instructor and a few of the other girls. They all said I could not be a professional dancer because I was too short and fat and would never be a “great” dancer, just “mediocre”. I started trying to “get rid” of my fat by skipping meals (I was sneaky, I didn’t want my mom to worry about me) and started what doctors considered “binge and purging”. I never did it at home, always at the studio.
Soon I couldn’t do it anymore, I was just a child who could? Shortly after going through “that” (I can’t even put those feelings into words), I quit. My mom and grandma, who loved seeing me dance and enjoy it were confused. I stopped dancing all together. I stopped practicing in my grandma's hallway. I grew self-conscious and started binge eating and gaining the weight that I lost back on, not caring anymore. I stopped dancing around our yard when we would play outside and opted for different activities. Once I entered fifth grade after quitting I took up the violin, then trumpet. Music became my new passion in life and has remained that way through college. Dance, however… has reentered my life once more.
As an (intended) Music Therapy major, one of the required classes in Music Therapy is Modern Dance. Walking into the class I did not have high expectations. I honestly would have rather walked off a cliff than go into a dance studio once again. When we started dancing, however, I felt the peace that I used to feel when I was younger. My flexibility, balance, and agility are definitely not what they used to be, but already getting past the third week I am already feeling improvement not only in my movements but in my attitude towards dancing as a whole. I thought when I was younger that I had lost a part of me that I would never get back. I never thought that walking into a dance studio again would change me so much in just three weeks, but it has.
We had to do baseline videos this past week (which are videos of our progress through the semester) and I look harshly on mine because I know that I can do better, but my instructor said that “in order to grow we have to grow from the base and up. All dancers make mistakes, that’s just life”, and I have to say she is right. It’s been a minute for me since I’ve truly “danced” (not what our generation considers dancing), it will take me some time to relearn dancing positions and such, but it’ll be worth the hard work I put in.
It’s still going to be a long semester as I go on this physical and really emotional journey rediscovering my love for dance. I am glad however that I have a second chance to try my childhood passion years later in college. If there is something you’ve given up on due to circumstance don’t hesitate to try again, I know I have found it to be an incredible experience.
