Movie Review: Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)

Movie Review: Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)

Occasional dino thrills in this odd, goofy sequel.


"Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom" is the follow-up to the "Jurassic Park" soft reboot "Jurassic World", and the fifth entry overall in the "Jurassic Park" series. Confused? That is perfectly fine, because the movie is, too. "Fallen Kingdom" cannot decide what movie it wants to be, so it presents itself as two movies for the price of one. It will ultimately depend on personal preference which half of the film you prefer, if at all, but I preferred the oddball second half far more than the first.

"Fallen Kingdom" picks up a few years after the events of the previous film. Isla Nublar, home to the resurrected dinosaurs, just so happens to be the site of an active volcano that is about to erupt. Animal rights activists want government intervention to save these endangered species, while others (specifically Jeff Goldblum, in what amounts to a begrudging cameo) insist the dinosaurs should be left to die since their very existence is unnatural. Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard), the dino-loving heroine of the previous film is approached by a representative of the heretofore unmentioned business partner of John Hammond, the crazy rich guy behind the original Jurassic Park. The slick investor-bro representative offers Claire a chance to rescue some of the reptiles from the island since the government refuses to intervene. One brief scene of recruiting Owen (Chris Pratt) the raptor trainer later, and the two protagonists (plus two deliriously unfunny comic relief sidekicks) once again find themselves knee-deep in dinosaur action.

The film often feels like a retread of "The Lost World", particularly the dinosaur rescue mission. Just like in that film, the operatives hired to assist the heroes with rescuing the big lizards have ulterior motives. There is the requisite betrayal as the heroes realize the rescue mission is profit-minded rather than altruistic. The island erupts, there are action scenes of fleeing from lava, a daring escape onto the bad guys' ship, and so on and so forth. If nothing else, these scenes are shot competently, sometimes even shot well. There is a particularly affecting image of a brachiosaurus slowly being engulfed in a cloud of ash that could have been a powerful closing statement had this been the end of the film. Instead, the film continues on. The sequel to a reboot stops to reboot and start a new story in the middle of the film. What crazy times we live in.

The second half of "Fallen Kingdom" decides it wants to be a goofy B-horror film, which is an abrupt change from the whiz-bang adventure of the previous hour, but it is a change for the better. The first half of the film lacked a sense of identity, merely blending together with other generic summer fare. Once the dinosaurs are back stateside, the evil representative guy reveals his master plan: selling dinosaurs on the black market. He does not elaborate on this plan much further, aside from the implication that these creatures could have military use. Sure, okay. To further add to the ridiculousness, the representative shmuck decides to engineer a custom-built velociraptor (the "Indoraptor") in the style of the engineered T-Rex of the previous film. Obviously, the creature gets loose, eats some of the paramilitary goons, and runs amok. There is a solid half hour of Howard, Pratt, and a generic child actor being chased around a spooky old mansion by a giant mutant velociraptor. It is every bit as dumb and loud and silly as you could hope for. There is even a shot of a Good Guy raptor running away from an explosion like an action movie hero. Some might be turned off by this nosedive into craziness (the mutant raptor can even open doors this time), but for those with a love of weird monster movies, there is plenty to enjoy.

I was not particularly enjoying "Fallen Kingdom" until the second half of the film. The parts with the mutant raptor realize that the characters of the "Jurassic World" films are not why people come to see them. It delivers on dino action in full, to a ridiculous degree. Everything is absurd and illogical, but it works in the way those pulpy Lincoln & Child-type sci-fi/adventure books work. It is strictly lowbrow fun, but what an hour of fun it is. I wish the first half had been as entertaining, but it is certainly worth sitting through that part to get to the zany dinosaur-in-a-mansion part.

Rating: 6/10

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35 Major Life Facts According To Nick Miller

"All booze is good booze, unless it's weak booze."

Fact: If you watch "New Girl," you love Nick Miller.

You can't help it. He's an adorable, lovable mess of a man and you look forward to seeing him and his shenanigans each week. While living the infamous and incomparable life of Nick Miller, and obviously Julius Pepperwood— he has learned many valuable laws of the land. And, although Nick refuses to learn anything from anyone besides his mysterious, old Asian friend Tran, he does have a few lessons he'd like to teach us.

Here are 35 facts of life according to 'Nick Milla Nick Milla':

1. Drinking keeps you healthy.

"I'm not gonna get sick. No germ can live in a body that is 65% beer."

2. Dinosaurs never existed.

"I don't believe dinosaurs existed. I've seen the science. I don't believe it."

3. A paper bag is a bank.

"A bank is just a paper bag but with fancier walls."

4. Having sex is similar to delivering mail.

"I'm like a mailman, except instead of mail it's hot sex that I deliver."

5. Moonwalking is a foolproof way to get out of any awkward situation.

Jess (about Nick): "Now he won't even talk to me. I saw him this morning and he just panic moonwalked away from me. He does that sometimes."

6. Using a movie reference is also a great way.

Cece: "Come on, get up!"

Nick: "No, I don't dance. I'm from that town in "Footloose."

7. There's no reason to wash towels.

Nick: "I don’t wash the towel. The towel washes me. Who washes a towel?"

Schmidt: "You never wash your towel?"

Nick: "What am I gonna do? Wash the shower next? Wash a bar of soap?"

8. Exes are meant to be avoided at all costs (especially if/unless they're Caroline)

"I don't deal with exes, they're part of the past. You burn them swiftly and you give their ashes to Poseidon."

9. IKEA furniture is not as intimidating as it looks.

"I'm building you the dresser. I love this stuff. It's like high-stakes LEGOs."

10. You don't need forks if you have hands.

Jess: "That's gross. Get a fork, man."

Nick: "I got two perfectly good forks at the end of my arms!"

11. Sex has a very specific definition.

"It's not sex until you put the straw in the coconut."

12. Doors are frustrating.

"I will push if I want to push! Come on! I hate doors!"

13. All booze is good booze.

"Can I get an alcohol?"

14. ...unless it's weak booze.

"Schmidt, that is melon flavored liquor! That is 4-proof! That is safe to drink while you're pregnant!"

15. Writers are like pregnant women.

Jess: "You know what that sound is? It's the sound of an empty uterus."

Nick: "I can top that easily. I'm having a hard time with my zombie novel."

Jess: "Are you really comparing a zombie novel to my ability to create life?"

Nick: "I'm a writer, Jess. We create life."

16. All bets must be honored.

"There is something serious I have to tell you about the future. The name of my first-born child needs to be Reginald VelJohnson. I lost a bet to Schmidt."

17. Adele's voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.

"Adele is amazing."

18. Beyoncé is extremely trustworthy.

"I'd trust Beyoncé with my life. We be all night."

19. Fish, on the other hand, are not.

“Absolutely not. You know I don’t trust fish! They breathe water. That's crazy!"

20. Bar mitzvahs are terrifying.

Schmidt: "It's a bar mitzvah!"

Nick: "I am NOT watching a kid get circumcised!"

21. are blueberries.

Jess: "So far, Nick Miller's list of fears is sharks, tap water, real relationships..."

Nick: "And blueberries."

22. Take your time with difficult decisions. Don't be rash.

Jess: "You care about your burritos more than my children, Nick?"

Nick: "You're putting me in a tough spot!"

23. Getting into shape is not easy.

"I mean, I’m not doing squats or anything. I’m trying to eat less donuts."

24. We aren't meant to talk about our feelings.

"If we needed to talk about feelings, they would be called talkings."

25. We're all a little bit too hard on ourselves.

"The enemy is the inner me."

26. Freezing your underwear is a good way to cool off.

"Trust me, I'm wearing frozen underpants right now and I feel amazing. I'm gonna grab some old underpants and put a pair into the freezer for each of you."

27. Public nudity is normal.

"Everbody has been flashed countless times."

28. Alcohol is a cure-all.

"You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol. You treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol."

29. Horses are aliens.

"I believe horses are from outer-space."

30. Turtles should actually be called 'shell-beavers.'

Jess: "He calls turtles 'shell-beavers."

Nick: "Well, that's what they should be called."

31. Trench coats are hot.

"This coat has clean lines and pockets that don't quit, and it has room for your hips. And, when I wear it, I feel hot to trot!"

32. Sparkles are too.

"Now, my final bit of advice, and don't get sensitive on this, but you've got to change that top it's terrible and you've got to throw sparkles on. Sparkles are in. SPARKLES ARE IN."

33. Introspection can lead to a deeper knowing of oneself.

"I'm not convinced I know how to read. I've just memorized a lot of words."

34. It's important to live in the moment.

"I know this isn't gonna end well but the middle part is gonna be awesome."

35. Drinking makes you cooler.

Jess: "Drinking to be cool, Nick? That's not a real thing."

Nick: "That's the only thing in the world I know to be true."

Cover Image Credit: Hollywood Reporter

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The Zodiac Signs As Bath And Body Works Scents

Just in case you want to know what scent you are!

Bath and Body Works fans could be considered to be part of a cult. The scents draw you in as if calling your name, if you ever
wondered what your scent should be based on your zodiac sign, here it is!

Aries: Country Apple

The rather impulsive Aries takes their time picking and choosing the scents from Bath and Body Works. The soothing scent of a fresh apple orchard is just what they need on a daily basis to keep up with their shenanigans.

Taurus: Japanese Cherry Blossom

The personality of a Taurus is stubborn, or what I like to say, is stuck in their ways. When they first discovered this scent in middle school, this was it. This is the only scent you will find anywhere around a Taurus.

Libra: Pink Chiffon

Pink Chiffon is another cult classic. This best selling scent went out of style for a hot second but is back and bigger than ever.

Leo: Thousand Wishes

Thousand Wishes is a purr-fect scent for a Leo. The light scent adornes the wearer just the right amount to get the desired reaction from those around them.

Aquarius: Be Enchanted

The rather cold personality of an Aquarius is counteracted by the loving scent of Be Enchanted. The scent is just enough tenderness for the wearer to be relaxed.

Gemini: Moonlight Path

Gemini's constantly change their favorite scent and are in and out of the store almost weekly to by new lotions, candles, and body washes. You will never see a full empty bottle of anything, however, Moonlight Path is the scent they keep coming back to again and again.

Virgo: Sea Island Cotton

The clean personality of a Virgo must be matched with the clean scent of Sea Island Cotton.

Capricorn: Cucumber Melon

Another clean scent of Cucumber Melon is the exact thing a Capricorn needs. The balance and calming scents are what make this scent so attractive to a Capricorn.

Scorpio: Paris Amour

The light scent is what you would expect from an extreme sign like a Scorpio. The scent lightly washes over the wearer in almost a cloud that

Sagittarius: Cashmere Glow

Cashmere Glow is a perfect scent for the winter sign. The vanilla and golden peach scent is just the mixture that creates the perfect accessory in the chilly months.

Pisces: Warm Vanilla Sugar

This lovely scent accentuates the lovely personality of a Pisces. They can never get enough of this scent so they just keep buying and buying until they have a full stockpile.

Cancer: Velvet Sugar

Velvet Sugar is the perfect blend of red velvet and strawberries and a Cancer is always changing their mind. The wearer can tell if it is a more red velvet or strawberry kind of day, and that is the balance that they need in their lives.

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