Now that August is done and junior year is well underway, I would have expected by now to be so far stuck in acres of papers and stress that I would never be able to find my way to the surface. Surprisingly, though not completely fortunately, I haven't felt a true wave of painful stress.
In fact, the opposite of the negative reviews about junior year I've been given is taking place; my sleep has been better than ever before, and some of the classes I have been deathly afraid of for the past few years are relatively simple to handle at the moment.
Keyword: at the moment.
Some of the most intelligent and capable peers I know have told me how much junior year had dragged them through the dirt, and to hear this from them is the wake-up call I've been needing to hear. It's a sobering thought after skillfully weaving through weeks of 11th grade without a single painful scratch, but maybe that's why junior year has always been the most difficult year of school.
Maybe it will drag me through the dirt if I turn to look away out of self-assurance, so to keep from tripping over my own confidence, I'll need to always keep an eye out for the impending wave. That sudden wave of emotions and late nights and club meetings and stress and family, from what I know, it's bound to hit.
But, again, there is only so much I can do to prepare considering my current circumstances, and that's what scares me the most. The "what-if" telling me that no matter how much I brace myself for the responsibilities ready to pile on, the wave will carry me away. But there are all just "what-ifs," and I've never been one to carry myself away on dreams.
I recently had an interview for a club, and the interviewers had told me to watch for the amount of work I'm giving myself. Once again, this was sobering to hear considering how "well" I was doing in school so far, but in the time since the end of that interview to this very moment I write this article, that sole statement has made me think over my priorities.
Family first, as always, but education requires all my effort. The most I can do is pledge that I will do my best and carry out that promise to its full extent. I'm worried out of mind, but as long as I don't let that fear show, it can't really dictate how I live out these next eight months.
August is always the most difficult month, especially with juggling syllabi, new classes and new friends, but I've gotten through it. It definitely did not lack bumps in the road, but now that it's over, it's time to look forward to the next chapter of the year.
Being a junior already has its emotional stresses due to figuring out what priorities come before others, but the independence a high school student faces is heightened to a new level. It's almost frightening to think that I'm now at an age where we can drive freely, create our own marks on the community and shape our own futures without full guidance from adults.
Maybe that's just the first wave talking, or maybe it's just a part of life.
