For the non-Jews and forgetful Jews out there, if you didn't already know, Sept. 13 is the start of Rosh Hashanah.
Either you don't care or you're blessing my name because you forgot one of the most important high holidays of the Jewish calendar. Oy vey! Bubba would NOT be proud.
But now that you know what's going on, let me fill some of you in on a little secret: Judaism rocks! Seriously, there is nothing more satisfying than meeting fellow Jews and discussing Jew things with them. Especially going to a primarily Christian and Catholic university, it's always nice coming across someone who's Jewish and is willing to swap stories about the B'nei Mitzvahs you've been to or the funny things your Yiddish grandma says.
So, what better way to celebrate Judaism and the start of the Jewish New Year than with some awesome Jew things, as told by the proudest Jew, Schmidt (from "New Girl"). #relatable
1. When they bring out the Manischewitz at services:
2. Getting to go to multiple bar and/or bat mitzvahs each weekend:
3. Going to a bar or bat mitzvah only to find that you're surrounded by pre-pubescent t(w)eens who are just learning how to grind:
That used to be us ...
4. When you look back at your own bar or bat mitzvah only to discover you have PTSD from having to read your Haftarah portion in front of your non-Jewish friends and guests:
"Baruch-atah-this is totally scarring."
5. Just the whole bar/bat mitzvah process in general:
Except the party, that was totally awesome.
6. The simple joy of finding Jewish things in unlikely places:
7. Also the pleasure of throwing out Jew jokes that are only socially acceptable when you make them:
8. When you are the only one who knows the true meaning of Christmas ...
Is Santa Claus Yiddish for phony?
9. But you openly acknowledging the fact that Hanukkah puts one measly night of presents to shame:
10. Seriously, eight nights of presents and candle-lighting; we aren't messing around:
"Fire. The most dangerous element of all the elements."
11. But most of all, the best part of being Jewish is finding more Jews to be Jewish with:
No mishegoss, just friendship.
Thank you, Schmidt, for reminding us the true meaning of Judaism, son.