Journal Series: A Letter I Will Never Send Him (Part 2)
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Journal Series: A Letter I Will Never Send Him (Part 2)

Journal entry: August 7, 2016 / 1:17 a.m.

Journal Series: A Letter I Will Never Send Him (Part 2)

I thought I would have the courage to send my heart to you across the Atlantic Ocean.

I have let my emotions melt into countless sentences. Countless nights I spent writing these countless sentences. But you will never see them.

On the last night we spent together, I asked if you had ever been in love. You said you most likely have. You then went on to ask me what I thought love was. I was thrown off by the question; it's not something most people ask. I have always tried to come up with an answer to that question and never could find the right words. But you did and it was simple. You said love is when you see a person and get excited just from their presence; it’s getting nervous and shy around them; it’s that fuzzy feeling you get in the pit of your stomach. I then asked if you have felt all these feelings for someone before: why did it end? You said that you can’t seem to stick with someone for too long. I think a lot of society has taught us that there’s always something better and in relationships, we tend to think this way too. Even when we find that person that ignites a spark in our heart, we think “Maybe there could be someone better for me out there?” But what can be better than that fuzzy feeling. I promise, it’s as real as it can get.

And maybe I'm wrong, but I felt it between us.

Sometimes I feel like I'm writing novels about someone who probably can't form me into a sentence. But I'd like to think that you could.

The last romantic words you ever said to me made me feel like you could.

June 3, 2016 - His last romantic words (via text message sent from 4,302 miles away)

"I miss having you beside me."

"You were so much more than a means to an end for me."

"I miss holding you so bad sometimes."

"I miss your eyes; the brownest eyes I've ever seen."

"I tried my best around you. You made me funnier. Your laugh and smile were worth trying hard for."

"When you smile your eyes light up like crazy."

"I want to look into your eyes again."

"I miss you coming into my room late at night, I miss talking in hushed voices and holding you."

June 11, 2016: A week later and he has ran out of words.

August 27, 2016 / 12:55 a.m: I miss you so much....*silence* be continued....

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