Journal Series: A Letter I Will Never Send Him (Part 1)
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Journal Series: A Letter I Will Never Send Him (Part 1)

June 3, 2016 / 2:32 a.m.

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Journal Series: A Letter I Will Never Send Him (Part 1)
Alyssa Martinez

I have decided to start this series as a way to express to people that it is okay to be vulnerable. My journal entries are basically my heart, mind, and soul. They may or may not relate to you, but I hope you find a way to find meaning in it in some way. If not, read them as if you are reading a story. Regardless, I hope you enjoy.

We measure our lives in years. Some measure it in moments. Sometimes we measure it in breaths, and other times in moments that took our breath away. Through these moments there are struggles, joy, pain and happiness. Though, within all these factors that life has to offer, we often forget to tell someone what we think of them. Sometimes we stand in a crowd with the spotlight shining bright in front of us that we become so wrapped up in our own light and don’t even realize that way beyond that spotlight there are people out there gazing at you; people that need a reminder that someone out there is thinking about them. I’ve come to realize that all the people I let leave my life, whether I knew them for a long or short period of time, I never took a moment to tell them the impact they made on me. We all like hearing how we’re perceived into the world.

And oh boy, it only took 3 weeks for you to leave an imprint in my soul forever.

We met the way people in movies do; unexpectedly and at the wrong time.

It was in that staircase of our dorm building where it all started. We didn't know it at the time. It took 6 months for us to meet again; 6 months of waiting for a drunk message from you at 4 a.m on Facebook messenger to have our souls finally collide.

But there were 3 weeks left of school. Only 3 weeks of nuzzling my face against yours. Only 3 weeks of looking into your green eyes. Only 3 weeks of running my hands through your bleach-blonde hair. Only 3 weeks of endless smiles whenever you'd call me beautiful.

Only 3 weeks of getting to know a guy I could've possibly fallen in love with.

But now we'll never know.

I have spent weeks trying to put my feelings into words, but I can’t seem to find the right ones to explain to you that I no longer look at myself the same way I used to. I look in the mirror and see a broken girl; more broken than she’s ever been in her whole entire life. This girl staring back at me met you so unexpectedly and she never would’ve envisioned someone like you to ever look at her the way no one else ever has. I was no longer just a broken girl, but a broken girl with big, brown eyes that I always knew I had, but never appreciated until you told me how mesmerized you were by them. I no longer look at my eyes in the mirror and despise them for not being the color of crystal clear oceans or freshly bloomed tree leaves.

Now when I look at my eyes, I think of you.

....to be continued....





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