Jokes. They make us laugh, cry, roll-over-on-the-floor-because-the-sheer-hilariousness-of-it-all-has-rendered-you-into-the-likes-of-a-floppy-fish, or the all of the above!
Laughter is such an integral part of society, and laughter is such a bonding force. In fact, I believe that music and laughter are perhaps the strongest gifts God has given us!
With all that being said, what better way to spread laughter than with jokes, and what better way to collect jokes than to ask your friends?
That's why I took to Facebook, Twitter, GroupMe, and even my family to compile this list of funnies.
"Hey Internet! What's your favorite joke, or the best one you've heard?"
1. What do you get when you put two tubas together?
A fourba!
2. Where did Noah keep his bees?
In the Ark-hives!"
3. What do you get when you throw a baby grand piano down a mine shaft?
A-flat minor!
4. What's the difference between a joke and a rhetorical question?
5. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they LACTOSE.
6. Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other SLIDE *ba-dum-tss.*
7. Puns
8. How do you catch a unique animal?
Unique up on it.
9. How do you catch a tame animal?
Tame way. Unique up on it.
10. A man died and went to heaven...
...and St. Peter was waiting for him at the gates.
"Welcome to Heaven, my son. We've been expecting you, and all you have to do to get in is spell a simple word!"
"What's the word?"
"Love"
"Easy! L-O-V-E"
"Welcome in!"
At the same time, St. Peter gets called to another part of Heaven, so he asks if the man can guard the gate.
"All you have to do is ask the same thing I asked you to whoever arrives."
"I can do that!"
As St. Peter leaves, someone approaches the gate. It turns out to be man's wife, so the man says, "Honey, what are you doing here?"
"I died on my way to your funeral in a car crash, but at least now we'll be together forever!"
"I can't wait to share an eternity with you! All you have to do to get in is spell a word."
"What's the word?"
"Czechoslovakia."
11. Where do snowmen live?
In a cold-e-sac.
12. There was a bus driver...
...who, like bus drivers do, was picking up people and dropping them off.
One day, as he was picking people up, he noticed a man at the bus stop who had carrots sticking out of his ears.
The bus driver was intrigued. Why on earth did he have carrots sticking out of his ear? What purpose did they serve?
As the man boarded the bus, the bus driver asked "Excuse me, sir, I noticed you had car--"
The man cut the driver off and shouted, "SORRY, I CAN'T HEAR YOU. I HAVE CARROTS STICKING OUT OF MY EARS."
13. Did you hear about those two guys who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
