After my last GIGANTIC heartbreak, I didn’t think I would ever be able to feel for someone with such a capacity that I felt for him. My heart was in metaphorical chains completely bound to the great love of my life, yet I just yearned to get away. And I did. Eventually.
The tears stopped, and my mind stopped thinking about him less and less every day. I was happy in my singleness, I was more confident than I had ever been in life. I woke up every day, looked in the mirror, and said, “You are beautiful. You are loved. You are worthy.” This routine just fit. For almost a year I was content living a single, lonely life until I graduated from medical school. I didn’t yearn for someone to fill that spot. Yet, sometimes I missed the company of another. Sometimes I just wanted someone to pour my love into.
Then I met you. You were the man I least expected in life.
It was three months before my graduation. Three months until I moved across the country, and yet there you were. I couldn’t believe God gave me you at such a bad time!
I lived in unhappiness for the first two and a half years of high school, and yet in the culminating months before the end of my high school existence, there was SO MUCH JOY. SO MUCH LOVE. I no longer wanted to leave this place, but I knew I had to.
I met you, and we were scared.
After our first date, I just knew you were the man I wanted in my life. Whether I could only have you as a friend, or whether I could have you as more, I just knew.
It would always be you.
I had never experienced the amount of closeness I experienced with you in those few short weeks than I have with anyone in my life. Never have I sang "Love is Strange" to someone, never have I laughed at how cringey of a movie "Star Wars" is while totally nerding out. Never have I sat in church next to the sweetest man I will probably ever meet, and never, never will I forget the short time I have spent with you.
We’re probably stupid. Crazy. Running toward a love with no concrete ending. I’m probably going to get hurt or hurt you in the process, but these feelings are so worth it.
There’s a line in Dirty Dancing when Baby tells Johnny, “I’m scared of everything. I’m scared of what I saw, I’m scared of what I did, about who I am and most of all I’m scared of walkin’ out of this and never feelin’ the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you.”
We are in no way similar to Johnny and Baby in "Dirty Dancing," but oh boy. I’ve had the time of my life with you. I would break barriers to get to you. (I mean I kind of did when I approached my family about you.)
I’m running into a life full of question marks, but with you by my side I know it’ll be okay. Thank you for caring for me, laughing with me, supporting me, and being with me despite the fear. Thanks for letting me share my scary feelings, or kiss you as much as I want. Thanks for letting me stare at you forever because I just don’t know how I’m going to survive in Virginia without your smiling face.
You’re the Johnny to my Baby, and although their love ended so abruptly…hopefully, that won’t be the case with ours.
