If there's a lesson in life I learned from working as a Driver Helper it's this; Santa Claus doesn't exist. Sorry to break it to you, but those elves you pictured packing your presents in childhood were merely undeserving frauds, that will continue to take credit for your labor as a UPS Driver Helper. There were countless times I had to be discreet with packages in order to keep kids from knowing their presents actually arrived before Christmas Eve.

This is a seasonal job, which typically begins in October and ends on Christmas Eve. In this line of work you will deal with numerous obstacles. I still remember my first delivery. It was at a house, isolated in the countryside of Lompoc, California. The driveway was long and extended down a hillside. Fortunately the first driver I worked with was a laid-back character, who drove the truck up the driveway, otherwise it would've been a steep incline to run. He was most likely an ISTP or ISFP Myers-Briggs personality type, who had a stunning resemblance to Smokey from "The Big Lebowski".

"Keep an eye out for a dog here." I remember him saying. "He's a vicious little bugger, if you see him just drop the package off by that gate instead of the door."

I peered over the gate with wild eyes, surveying the grounds. In this job, every delivery is timed, so no second could be wasted on hesitation. There was no sign of that vicious bugger, so I opened the gate and sprinted towards the entrance.

Or so I originally thought...mother of God, there he was. A grey Pit Bull, that blended in with the smoky shade of the wooden porch. He rocketed towards me with infrared eyes of venomous fury.

I just froze there like a corpse, with the package hoisted above my head, the only weapon that could buy me time if this turned out to be a battle to the death.

"Get yo a** inside!" a voice from the house roared, paralyzing the Pit Bull in its tracks. It recoiled as an elderly woman emerged in the doorway, demanding me to hand over her package.

That experience was the first true test of reality I would have to face while on the job. If you choose to work as a Driver Helper, facing dangerous scenarios is a risk you'll have to be willing to take. This job has its excitement too though, you can count on that.

The first driver I worked with (we'll just call him Smokey) was still new to his position and had only been working as a driver for about three weeks before I was hired to tag along. So, we were both relatively new to this route. The day would begin with neighborhood deliveries, then around mid-day we would switch to pick-ups from local businesses and warehouses (which is the only time of day you'll be able to find a restroom to use, otherwise be sure to carry a large Styrofoam cup with you), then we would switch back to neighborhood deliveries until the truck was completely empty.

My shift would vary anywhere between four to ten hours, it all depended on when we finished emptying the truck. Some days the truck was neatly packed and easy to maneuver through, while on others it was stacked completely to the top and you'd have to pick out the boxes carefully in order to avoid being crushed by the domino effect. Unpacking the truck would've certainly been easier if I had played Tetris when I was younger.

But, Smokey and I made the best of our situation, and told each other stories about past experiences we had in order to make time go faster. I remember him pointing to the San Miguelito Canyon while we were driving through the south side of town, and telling me how he used to go to the hills up there with a few friends in the seventies and trip acid. Priceless, man. He told me those days were over though, and that he mainly went dirt biking for thrills on the weekend.

We worked together for about two weeks, until he got switched to another route. Unfortunately, he didn't last long as a driver though. Shortly after switching to a route in Santa Maria he was randomly drug tested, and came up positive for THC. He was fired on the spot even though he was a Medical Marijuana patient. Before becoming a driver he had worked twenty years as a Package Handler, which never involved drug testing. It was a very unfortunate situation, he was five years away from retiring.

The person who took over after he was gone was a veteran driver, who had years of experience with the route I was on. He warmed up to working with me after a few days, but it started out frosty. The second day we worked together he stopped the truck for a break and laid down the law.

Part two coming soon...