My boyfriend and I don’t get to see each other very often, but when we do, his best friend hangs out with us. I’m not saying I mind him being there. In fact, he’s awesome to talk to and he’s been a great friend to me despite seeing me go full-psycho. This is exactly why I’m writing this article: because this man needs a girlfriend. Deny it as he might, there’s a lucky lady out there who was meant to be his plus one; he can’t eat for two his whole life. Besides, chilling at their apartment is cool and all, but I’m ready to go on double dates with these guys. Here’s everything you need to know if you’d like to apply to be my boyfriend’s best friend’s girlfriend.

Before you send in an application, it’s only fair that I tell you about what this job actually entails. Obviously, it’s for dating my boyfriend’s best friend. I’ll get into what “dating” exactly means in a little bit. But for now, here’s a little about the man you’re applying to date.

His name is Ryan. He enjoys video games, board games, card games, any kind of game, really; singing; long walks on the beach; working out; and eating a lot. He currently works as a security guard, so he’s specially trained to protect and serve. You will not have to worry about safety when you’re with him. He’s also over six feet tall, and apparently a lot of women like tall dudes, so there’s that.

To effectively date Ryan, you need to be able to perform the following tasks:

Communication – every good, lasting relationship requires communication. You must be able to effectively communicate your wants and needs, as well as effectively understand his.

Affection – every relationship requires some kind of affection. Words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, all of these things are important in a relationship. If you are not an affectionate person, this is not the position for you.

Friendship – you need to be able to put the “friend” in “girlfriend.” Should you accept the position of “Ryan’s Girlfriend,” you are consenting to being a friend in addition to a romantic partner.

An ideal candidate will be a young Christian woman (ages 18-21 years) with a flexible schedule. Expect that you will be working weekends, since you will be going out on various dates. If you end up performing this job well for an extended period of time, you may need to work some holidays to allow meetings with Ryan’s family. An ideal candidate shares Ryan’s interests and values and is willing to tolerate me and my boyfriend. We will be going on a lot of double dates.

Should your application look good, I and my boyfriend will be contacting you and scheduling an interview. You will then go through one or more interviews with Ryan himself. It may be a couple of months before you are hired.

Thank you for considering this position.

**P.S.: I’d like to point out that the idea of using Odyssey as a means of finding someone a romantic partner is not my own. I once read an article where a girl did this for her little sister, and it was so unique and original that no one dared copy the idea. I wish I could link the article, but I can’t find it anywhere. Just know that this article could not have been possible had it not been for a random article that was basically a dating ad for a content creator’s little sister. Props to her.**