Jimmy Fallon is easily the best person God has ever blessed us with. So here are quotes to bless your instagram captions:

For Your Selfies:

Everyone looks so much better when they smile.

Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

Thank you, people who say ‘Wow, you’re really photogenic,’ for not saying what you really mean: ‘Wow, you’re really ugly in person.’

I didn’t invent the rainy day, I just own the best umbrella

For Your Squad Pics:

Life is like a clam, when it opens, you gotta grab the gooey stuff.

The one thing you shouldn’t do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere

I can’t believe there are so many people who aren’t us

So basically basic

Ew

For Pics with Bae:

If you’re a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don’t have a choice.

Hey baby, do you like fine cooking? Cause you know what? I got Swanson's Dinner in the freezer with your name on it.