"Jesus, what are you doing?"
I don't know about you, but this question is one that comes into my head a lot more than I thought it would when I decided to really give my life to Jesus. From an outside perspective, it may seem like most Christians always have it together, that they seamlessly make decision, that they rarely worry about the future ... well, that's not the truth.
Radical relation with God, as I've learned, leads to even crazier trust and faith in him -- not just an opportunity, but a place where trust and crazy belief in God's truth is a necessity. I've seen the struggle and the beauty of this since coming to college and especially this year, having to trust and let God do what only He can do in everything from financial situations to fixing the broken mess that I am half the time (still working on that).
It's been a year of having no idea what God is doing in me sometimes. It's been a year where sometimes I read the well known verses Jeremiah 29:11 and Romans 8:28 and am struggling to believe these sweet truths. I look at my life and the situations I'm in and think, "You're using this for ... good? What about these false emotions is prosperous for me? What good flows from these late night tears?" I get myself in a frenzy and the calm whisper of the Holy Spirit comes with one of His favorite things to tell me: "Just trust in me and be patient, my son."
When I'm in these battles with my thoughts, I always try to remind myself of my favorite verse: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
Some of the best wisdom I can give anyone is to entrust God with your whole life.
He is vastly smarter, wittier, more creative, and more knowledgeable than us. He knows everything about us. He knows the path our lives will take. He knows the exact day when our dreams will come true. He knows the day where He will stand face to face with each of us. Above all, no matter how far from good parts of life may seem, He knows how to make the most testing moments, the times we feel weakest, and the seasons where we have little strength to keep going all be knitted together for our good!
He wants to use your bout with depression to allow you to help others be set free from it as well! He wants to use your injury or disability to show people the beauty in Him through your life and to encourage others that they aren't lesser than everyone else! He wants to use your crazy faith to reveal His own faithfulness! I tell you, Jesus can take any situation and bring redemption to it. The hardest moment of your life can be used to change the life of another forever.
Staying faithful and trusting in God can be so hard amidst the troubles of our world. We can be quick to blame God for things or only see the negatives in our lives, but in the end, God is so faithful regardless of whether we are or not. He is kind and caring, always having our future in mind. Though He knows all that we'll become, He wants to love us where we are. He gets it too! Jesus had the same struggle of trust and not necessarily wanting to go through with what his Father had for His life.
In Matthew 26:39 it says, "He [Jesus] went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, "My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine." (NLT)
At this point, Jesus knew how His life would have to end, yet He still struggled with God's perfect plan of redemption for all of His children. He paints a beautiful picture of not being completely sure of God's plan, even not wanting to go through with it, yet still trusting that God has our best in mind. As Jesus did, we have to be willing to lay down all of our worries, fears, and anxieties at His feet and say, "I want your will to be done, not mine."
Jesus has much better plans for our lives than we could ever even fathom! Though it's not always the easy route, it's always the better one. God's truth can be hard sometimes, but in hindsight you'll look back and be able to see what He was doing, what He was preparing you for, what He was doing in your heart and spirit. You'll thank Him later.
