Jen Kirkman is a hysterical comedian. She is an independent woman that doesn't want kids and she is unapologetic about it. She gives a critical look at our society and asks why we're so obsessed with settling down. As she put it, "You shouldn't get married just because you don't want to die alone. You should get married because you don't want to go through life alone."
Here are some of my favorite quotes form this fantastic woman. They come from her stand-up segments on Netflix, her recent book, and the internet.
1. "Where is the man?"
While on a solo trip in Italy, her tour guide asked her "Where is the man?" She was a little confused, and in her stand up routine she said "I don't know if he meant my boyfriend or like The Man that's coming down on all of us. If I knew where The Man was we'd all be free."
2. The way she explained periods
Jen was about to launch into a story about how she got her period early once and she thought she was dying, but she wanted to explain what periods are to the men in the audience first. She said "Every month, a woman sheds the interior of her uterine lining because she's not pregnant, because she's a dirty dirty whore who didn't do the one thing God put her on Earth to do, which is make a baby, and that's her 3-5 day punishment." She's not wrong.
3. Nobody likes happy things
Jen was talking about her current relationship and was saying only good things about it and the audience had gotten quiet so she yelled "No one likes nice things, I understand!" Her humor can be dark or based on the pessimist inside of all of us and that's another reason to love her.
4. Street harassment
She was trying to explain to her male friend why street harassment was such a problem. He thought it was totally acceptable to yell "nice tits" at a lady if he thought her tits were nice. Kirkman tried to explain that when women hear "nice tits" they don't know if that's the end of it or if you're going to try and murder them if they don't say "thank you". As she put it, "compliments and murder both start with compliments."
5. The struggle of politely saying no
As women, we often struggle to say no when a man is making a move on us. Feminism and modern movements have taught us to speak our mind but it's still hard. Jen said, "We're taught to be polite and so we're holding it in, holding it in, when all we have to say is 'I don't really feel like talking', but we talk and then we're like EAT SHIT, and you're very confused." We're bad at just saying "no thank you" because we've heard the horror stories of women who got murdered for turning a man down, and so sometimes we bottle it up and then explode when we should just say, no thanks.
6. Why have children?
Kirkman is 43 and she doesn't have kids. She's never planned to have kids and said "Instead of saving for someone else's college education, I'm currently saving for a luxury retirement community replete with golf carts and handsome young male nurses who love butterscotch".
Jen Kirkman has two hilarious segments on Netflix, "I'm Gonna Die Alone" (and I feel fine) and "Just Keep Living". I recommend both along with her book I Know What I'm Doing (and other lies I tell myself) to anyone who feels a bit out of place in society or feels like they have no idea what they're doing with their life.
