I Am More Than The Size Of My Jeans

I Learned A Lot After Jean Shopping, Biggest Thing Being That I'm More Than Just My Pant Size

We've all been there.

85
views

Monday, I went jean shopping with my boyfriend for the first time in probably a year and a half. Jeans that fit me last school year couldn't even button and having clothes in my room that didn't fit me from the waist down was creating a mental toll on me. We've all been there.

My whole life I haven't liked the size I am even when I was two sizes smaller. I have bigger hips and somewhat of a butt, and everything either goes to my hips, boobs, or stomach when I gain weight. (The hips and boob part are a blessing and a curse.) In high school I had all these exercise-type activities, I had musicals and show choir that would make me winded and then I pretty much ate two meals a day and just munched. Being busy kept me smaller, but why isn't that working now? Oh right, that is just undereating and not being healthy.

I have had five knee surgeries that have kept me from exercising like I used to, or how everyone else does in the gym. I can't run and walking only gets you so far and if I'm honest it's kind of boring. I do work out dance videos in my dorm room by myself, but my knee hates me the next day. I can't use my knee surgeries as an excuse, but it is also my reality.

Things are going to come to me harder than others and I'm going to have to improvise.

That's what I've learned in my movement class. I have to improvise and find another way to do something without hurting myself but will still give me the same burn and effect. Who knew this class would give me a new insight into how I treat hurdles in my life.

Another reason why I have gained weight is that I lost one of the most important people in my life and food has been comforting at times. And at times, I mean at the wake, and the funeral. And at times I mean the desserts at dinner, I can't say no to a chocolate chip cookie and I should if I want to lose weight. If I want to meet my goal.

I have a weight goal, I want to go back to the weight I was before my knee surgeries. That's a lot, to be honest, and I try to ignore that goal. What's the point of ignoring a goal if it's a goal? The point is ignoring an unhealthy goal. It's not unrealistic but it's unhealthy to put that much pressure on myself, on the scale I step onto, and on the number I want to reach.

If I don't weigh a specific number I wish to weigh it doesn't take away from my worth.

I am still beautiful, strong, intelligent, and everyone has their own body image battles.

I'm not the only one who works out too much, not enough, or has an unhealthy relationship with food.

When I look at a piece of cake I can hear my mom's voice, "You don't need that." And I know she means well, she is just looking out for me, and me gaining weight. Yet I eat it out of spite because I'm tired of hearing her voice in my head. I'm tired of hearing her voice be the anchor of my unhealthy eating problems. She isn't the anchor of my problem with eating cake when I shouldn't, but her and other people's words have helped with the weight of my unhealthy relationship with lack of eating.

Sometimes I eat too much and sometimes I hold back and then I don't eat enough. I know this is unhealthy, but this body image problem is just another thing to add to my mental health issues. Who doesn't want to add the start of body dysmorphic disorder with anxiety, and depression? I mean, I have enough on my plate just move things around the plate to make room for another thing.

I hate that social media and the world's expectations on body image is this severe. Some people will comment on how fat someone is, and how they need to work out more. Maybe they have a thyroid disorder, Endometriosis, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, or a diagnosis that causes them to be unable to work out or lose weight easily. I have three out of four of those and if you looked at me you'd think I'm just a curvier heavy-set girl who just doesn't work out enough.

Losing weight and jean shopping is more than guessing your size sifting through the pants on the display, and lifting weights and acting as if you know what you're doing in the gym. Losing weight is more than looking through "thinspo" posts on Pinterest and Instagram. Losing weight is finding what works best for you while taking care of yourself mentally and physically.

Treat yourself with kindness and treat your body with kindness. You are more than your pants size and your mental health. You are more than those photoshop girls on the magazine covers and the Instagram posts with thousands of likes. You are worthy no matter what size you are.

Popular Right Now

A list Of 15 Inspiring Words That Mean So Much

A single word can mean a lot.
127087
views

Positivity is so important in life. A lot of times we always go to quotes for empowerment but I have realized that just one word can be just as powerful. Here is a list of inspiring words.

1. Worthy

Realizing your self-worth is important. Self-worth can really make or break a persons personality. Always know that you are worthy of respect. And also, never compare yourself to others.

2. Courage

Be courageous in life. Life has so many opportunities so do not be scared to grasp any opportunity that comes your way. You have the ability to do anything you have your heart and mind set to do, even the things that frighten you.

3. Enough

When you are feeling down and feeling that nothing you do is ever good enough, know that you are more than enough. And yes there is always room for improvement but when it comes to my self-worth I always have to remind myself that I am enough.

4. Blessed

Be thankful. A lot of times we forget how blessed we are. We focus so much on stress and the bad things that are going on in our lives that we tend to forget all of the beautiful things we have in life.

5. Focus

Focus on your goals, focus on positive things, and focus on the ones you love. Do not focus on things that will keep you from not reaching your goals and people that do not have good intentions for your life.

6. Laugh

Laughing is one of the best forms of medicine. Life is truly better with laughter.

7. Warrior

Through the good and the bad you are a warrior. Be strong, soldier.

8. Seek

Seek new things. Allow yourself to grow in life. Do not just be stuck.

9. Faith

During the bad times, no matter the circumstances, have faith that everything will be all right.

10. Live

Start living because life is honestly way too short. Live life the way you want to live. Do not let anyone try to control you.

11. Enjoy

Enjoy everything that life has to offer. Enjoy even the littlest of things because, as I said before, life is short. And plus, there is no time to live life with regrets.

12. Believe

Believe in yourself and never stop. Believing in yourself brings so many blessings and opportunities in your life.

13. Serendipity

A lot of times we look for things to fill an empty void that we have. Usually what we are looking for comes when we are not looking at all. Your serendipity will come.

14. Create

Share your ideas with the world. Creativity brings change to your life. However you chose to use your creativity do not be scared to show your intelligence, talent, and passion.

15. Love

The world is already full of so much hate, so love unconditionally with all your heart.

Cover Image Credit: Tanveer Naseer

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Internet outraged at Delhi Aunty for Sl*t Shaming

Public outrage - justified or an overreaction?

99
views

When the topic of sexual violence against women arises, women are often held responsible - because of how they dress, or how they behave, or even if they have a voice. A recent incident in Delhi showed that the mindset of people has not changed. In a video posted by Shivani Gupta, a middle-aged woman is seen defending her claim, "Women wearing short dresses deserve to be raped."

This backward mentality surrounding rape and rape culture is horrifying to see. The middle-aged woman first shamed them for wearing short clothes and when she was confronted, she told them "they deserved to get raped." She made things worse when she told other men in the restaurant to rape such women who wear short clothes.

Shivani and her friends later confronted this woman while taking the video. They wanted a public apology for her statement and followed her around. The older woman stood by her statement. Fair enough. They felt threatened by her statements and wanted an apology for her actions. The older lady, however, was brazen about her ideologies and refused to apologize. In fact, she threatened to call the cops for harassment.

The woman who made the regressive statements. Shivani Gupta

While the anger and outrage by the women who uploaded this video are justified, several questions are being raised on whether the older woman was later harassed for her statements. Public shaming is not the way to solve this issue.

"We cannot dismantle a culture of shaming by participating in it." - Rega Jha.

Now, I believe that nobody must engage in victim shaming. Nobody has the right to police the outfit one wishes to wear. It is astonishing to believe that even in the 21st century, people still believe that an outfit determines the morality and character of a person. That older woman was wrong to sl*t-shame the girls for wearing what they want. That being said, even though what that woman did was horrible, public shaming will not work. It will not change the mindset behind these ideologies. What that older woman did was akin to bullying. Publicly shaming her, stalking her facebook account or posting comments or by coercing her, you are also behaving in the same manner of bullying.

Related Content

Facebook Comments