I Am More Than The Size Of My Jeans
Start writing a post
Wellbeing

I Learned A Lot After Jean Shopping, Biggest Thing Being That I'm More Than Just My Pant Size

We've all been there.

123
I Learned A Lot After Jean Shopping, Biggest Thing Being That I'm More Than Just My Pant Size
Callaghan Carter

Monday, I went jean shopping with my boyfriend for the first time in probably a year and a half. Jeans that fit me last school year couldn't even button and having clothes in my room that didn't fit me from the waist down was creating a mental toll on me. We've all been there.

My whole life I haven't liked the size I am even when I was two sizes smaller. I have bigger hips and somewhat of a butt, and everything either goes to my hips, boobs, or stomach when I gain weight. (The hips and boob part are a blessing and a curse.) In high school I had all these exercise-type activities, I had musicals and show choir that would make me winded and then I pretty much ate two meals a day and just munched. Being busy kept me smaller, but why isn't that working now? Oh right, that is just undereating and not being healthy.

I have had five knee surgeries that have kept me from exercising like I used to, or how everyone else does in the gym. I can't run and walking only gets you so far and if I'm honest it's kind of boring. I do work out dance videos in my dorm room by myself, but my knee hates me the next day. I can't use my knee surgeries as an excuse, but it is also my reality.

Things are going to come to me harder than others and I'm going to have to improvise.

That's what I've learned in my movement class. I have to improvise and find another way to do something without hurting myself but will still give me the same burn and effect. Who knew this class would give me a new insight into how I treat hurdles in my life.

Another reason why I have gained weight is that I lost one of the most important people in my life and food has been comforting at times. And at times, I mean at the wake, and the funeral. And at times I mean the desserts at dinner, I can't say no to a chocolate chip cookie and I should if I want to lose weight. If I want to meet my goal.

I have a weight goal, I want to go back to the weight I was before my knee surgeries. That's a lot, to be honest, and I try to ignore that goal. What's the point of ignoring a goal if it's a goal? The point is ignoring an unhealthy goal. It's not unrealistic but it's unhealthy to put that much pressure on myself, on the scale I step onto, and on the number I want to reach.

If I don't weigh a specific number I wish to weigh it doesn't take away from my worth.

I am still beautiful, strong, intelligent, and everyone has their own body image battles.

I'm not the only one who works out too much, not enough, or has an unhealthy relationship with food.

When I look at a piece of cake I can hear my mom's voice, "You don't need that." And I know she means well, she is just looking out for me, and me gaining weight. Yet I eat it out of spite because I'm tired of hearing her voice in my head. I'm tired of hearing her voice be the anchor of my unhealthy eating problems. She isn't the anchor of my problem with eating cake when I shouldn't, but her and other people's words have helped with the weight of my unhealthy relationship with lack of eating.

Sometimes I eat too much and sometimes I hold back and then I don't eat enough. I know this is unhealthy, but this body image problem is just another thing to add to my mental health issues. Who doesn't want to add the start of body dysmorphic disorder with anxiety, and depression? I mean, I have enough on my plate just move things around the plate to make room for another thing.

I hate that social media and the world's expectations on body image is this severe. Some people will comment on how fat someone is, and how they need to work out more. Maybe they have a thyroid disorder, Endometriosis, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, or a diagnosis that causes them to be unable to work out or lose weight easily. I have three out of four of those and if you looked at me you'd think I'm just a curvier heavy-set girl who just doesn't work out enough.

Losing weight and jean shopping is more than guessing your size sifting through the pants on the display, and lifting weights and acting as if you know what you're doing in the gym. Losing weight is more than looking through "thinspo" posts on Pinterest and Instagram. Losing weight is finding what works best for you while taking care of yourself mentally and physically.

Treat yourself with kindness and treat your body with kindness. You are more than your pants size and your mental health. You are more than those photoshop girls on the magazine covers and the Instagram posts with thousands of likes. You are worthy no matter what size you are.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

43583
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

27406
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

952297
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

146848
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments