Growing up I always got the impression that surrounding yourself with people was the key to happiness. It seemed like the happiest people always had the biggest friend groups and the most people around them all of the time. To me, friend groups were giggling cliques who did everything together, and I always wanted a squad like that for myself. Ever since I started grade school, it was something I aimed to have, and for a long time, I did.

After I moved to a new town in the second grade, I made friends with a group of nerdy yet super nice girls. We all loved the movie "Grease" and would watch it at every sleepover. We even spent our time during recess goofing off and singing on the wooden stage our playground had. When we were in the fourth grade, one of the girls who had been there since the beginning told the rest of us that she didn't want to be friends anymore claiming it was because we didn't talk about boys enough and that we were holding her back from who she really wanted to be. Looking back, I realize that it was a much better situation without her, especially since we grew to be completely different types of people, but at the time, I felt absolutely awful. I blamed myself and felt like I wasn't good enough to be considered a friend. I felt like she was taking a part of my happiness with her when she switched lunch tables. But of course, I got over it quickly when I realized she became a brat.

Then middle school happened and three elementary schools worth of students became one middle school class. The group of friends I had in grade school made friends with a friend group from a different elementary school, and everything seemed great. We were a stereotypical group of awkward, middle school girls who gossiped about almost everything, laughed at stupid jokes we made up ourselves, and slept over each other's houses to watch scary movies and dance like fools. Middle school is a shaky time for anyone, and after my three years there, I had a lot of acquaintances but only three friends I felt close enough to talk to about personal things.

Then came high school where I felt stuck. For the first time I found myself bouncing between two groups of friends: the three friends from middle school and my marching band friends. Now, it wasn't like they didn't get along, but the two groups never got together because they didn't really have any common interests or things to talk about. I felt stressed often because I felt like I wasn't spending as much time as I wanted to with any of them. I felt like I was running myself ragged trying to remain close with everyone. In reality, I wasn't as close with any of them as I wanted to be. But overall, high school was far from bad. I learned who was actually there by my side, and I left high school with a handful of really close friends, most from band, one I had met in Chemistry class, and one who had been there since middle school (and is still my best friend to this day. Shoutout to Melissa; love you, girl!) Some people from my high school days have drifted slightly, and I don't see many of them often, but I'm glad to say that a vast majority of the people I knew were true friends in high school are still my true friends.

Then came the chaos of college. I went away to SUNY Cortland with similar dreams as most college freshman: I was going to get awesome grades, make forever friends, and have memories with them I would cherish forever. Well, college was far from what I expected. I ended up with two freshman roommates who stole, were bullies, and didn't have respect for anyone but themselves. At first I had thought we would be friends, but soon I realized how toxic their relationships were. Luckily, they were the ones who drove me out of my room and into organizations where I met some of the best friends I have from college. Between Spectrum, Cortland's Gay-Straight Alliance, and Alpha Phi Omega, a co-ed community service based fraternity, I met people who not only wanted to be friends but were there to support me in any way they could. Without them, I don't know who I would be today or if I would have even stayed at college after that first year. (Thanks, CK, Jon, and Sarah!)

My sophomore and junior years were quite honestly a mess when I thought I was making more of these loving relationships, but they actually turned toxic ruining my living situation and mental health. But then I got lucky when my friend Annie who I had met through the fraternity mentioned that one of the people who was supposed to live with her and her friends backed out of the lease at the last minute. At this point, I was so worried about diving into a new living situation with five other people (four of whom I hadn't known at the time) because of all of the bad experiences I'd had with college friendships at that point. But when I mentioned it to my friend Joe he practically jumped up and down in excitement saying, "You have to do it. I'm friends with all of them, and you're all going to hit it off way better than you'll ever know. I promise you; they're great, and you're going to love them."

So although Joe and I weren't super close at the time, I listened. And it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. He was right about everything he said. I've told them each this before, but I'll say it again: these are the friends I had hoped to make when I dreamed of college. They are the friends with whom I have the hilarious stories of being drunk on the town, hanging out on snowy days in the living room, cooking food (and making a mess of the kitchen) with, and binge watching TV together. They were the ones who made my fourth year at college the best year I've ever had. (I'll never be able to thank you enough, Annie, Frederik, Brandon, Elaina, and Emma for letting me change from stranger to housemate to friend. You too, Brooke, even though your "bed" was just the living room couch.) I could gush forever about how much you each mean to me.

So if you're still reading this, you may be wondering the point, and that is this: friendship brings happiness, but it isn't the only key necessary to being happy. It also isn't going to look how you had originally thought it would. You might find yourself feeling alone, but if you have at least one friend who wants to listen and help you through your problems (whether it be a homework issue or mental health) you have something pricelessly special. So I might not have a huge clique of friends who live closeby, I might not be close with all of the people I used to know, and I might not be the most trusting person because of it. But I know of 11 people in this world who are some of the best friends a person could ask for, and that's all I could ever need.