Few weeks ago, my father asked me, "When you write, you do it so confidently, but when you sing, you get nervous, why is that?" To my surprise, I actually had the answer for that. I told him that when I write, I do it for myself, without worrying about what people will say, but when I sing, I do it for people. This made me realise a lot of things!

Even when I meet people, I worry what people will think about me, so I end up being shy and awkward. On top of that, I start thinking about my past experiences, where I wasn't liked by many people, for being different. I worry that I will do something odd which will make people hate me and leave.

As for singing, even though it has helped me a lot in life, and is my biggest strength, I realise I sing to mainly please people. Over the years, I have seen people as good and talented as me, and the competition to become better and to become preferred by people, always comes in my mind. I always had that worry of losing my biggest strength, as I have been demotivated of doing other things such as sports, dancing, studies etc. and even demotivated of my appearance.

I am also the kind of person, who always worry about other people, than myself. I used to make other people's problem my own, and not worrying about my own issues. I always used to think that, "I don't care what happens to me, but I can't see people close to me suffer."

All of these makes me realise what do I get from all this? HURT! That's it! If I keep worrying and stressing about things, I will feel worse. I worry because I don't want to get hurt, but if I keep worrying like this, I will feel hurt.

This makes me realise that I am very critical of myself. I don't think that I am good enough at anything. People will keep saying stuff, but I shouldn't take all of it. So I will make mistakes, mistakes are a part of everyone's life, and people will judge. But I should have faith and believe in myself, to work harder and even better. I need to understand myself and love myself for who I am. I need to understand that I am not worthless! I need to fill myself with confidence, which will make me stronger to let go off negative comments.

I write because I do that for myself. I do that to express myself. Same way, I want to sing and talk with people for myself, and I really hope to do that!

It's time I start loving myself!