I can honestly say that I do not take rejection well. I immediately revert back to my high school mentality that something is wrong with me: something I said or did caused the rejection. Although I learned over this past summer how to be confident in myself and to stop people pleasing, with my most recent encounter with rejection, I reverted back to that thinking.
Recently, I applied for a leadership position. I went back and forth internally, debating whether to apply or not. Finally, I decided, why not? Everyone congratulated me saying that the hardest part is over and now all I have to do is put a face to the application. I thought the interview went fine- not great, but I was still honest and true to myself-all I had to do was wait. At last, the day arrived and my name wasn’t called. Immediately the first thought in my head was, “I knew it.”
I blamed myself. I thought because I dreamed of what it would be like that I jinxed myself. I thought karma was finally having its payback for all of the times that I treated someone unfairly, said the wrong thing, thought the wrong thing. I tried distracting myself with Duck Dynasty, Pinterest, and one too many spoons of Nutella, but inevitably at 2 AM when I should’ve been sleeping, my mind was running a million miles an hour wondering what if. What if I wasn’t a shy person? What if I was a different major? What if my life was different?
I realized that I don’t want my life to be different. All the hardships and joys led me to where I am today and they have shaped me to be the person I am.
At this point, you’re probably wondering, “is there a point to this story?” Yes, there is a point. If you’re the dreamer type, the one with the wild imagination, please do not think that will jinx you. If you have dreams and goals (both long and short term) then go for it. Apply for that position, study a different way, talk to new people. Whatever it is, go for it. Just because you imagine something doesn’t mean that it will jinx you. The important thing is to work for it. If the goal you had in your head doesn’t work out (like the inspiration for this post) then it might be for the best. In my case, I am hoping my Guardian Angels up there are saving me from something and pointing me towards something better. One of my favorite sayings is, “God never says no, He says: yes, not now, and I have something better.”
