In the midst of what has been a very emotional, confusing and frustrating season of my life, I decided to dedicate this week’s article to anyone who is hurting for whatever reason. For those who know exactly why you are feeling the way you feel, those who have absolutely no idea why, those who just aren’t satisfied with life right now, and those who just feel stuck.
Dear You,
You’ve been sitting in your room crying into a pillow so that no one will ask you why you are crying.You're doing this because you know you can’t give them an answer that doesn’t confuse them. The truth is that the reason is different almost every night. Tonight, you’re crying because the thought of being stuck in this town for another day is honestly too much to handle at the moment. Every day, you put on a good face for everyone, but all you want to do is get as far away from here as possible because you feel like everything around you is trying to smother you. Tomorrow night, you might cry over the thought you can’t get to stop racing through your head when all you want to do is sleep. The night after, maybe because you now can’t close your eyes because you don’t like what you see. Eventually, you will find yourself crying because you hate the dark and the clouds decided to hide the moon that night.
No, I can’t predict the future, but I know that all of these nights have happened because I’m just like you. I always try my best to be strong for the sake of everyone else. I make sure I am always kind, patient and understanding even when the whole world would understand if I wasn’t. In the middle of all of this, I started forgetting to be bold in dealing with things that hurt me. I wanted to be known for that—for showing love, even when my heart’s tired. This hasn’t changed, I’m just tired of being tired.
But the truth is I’m not always as strong as I make everyone believe I am. Most of the time, I don’t know how to handle the punches life decides to throw at me. Sometimes something that I don’t want to remember comes creeping back into my head, and I get all caught up in how I feel about that particular thought. When things like this happen, it can feel like my heart is being ripped out all over again.
I think you and I are a lot alike in that way. We try really hard to let go of the past and the pain and to get over the things that are hurting us. We put up a good front. We pretend, and we keep pretending until we trick ourselves into believing that that is our new reality.
Sometimes it takes other people, people who understand and care about you, to make you realize that it’s OK to not be OK. A couple of my really close friends, who have been an amazing support system during crazy times, make it a point to remind me of three things every time we talk. These things are:
- It’s OK to not be OK.
- Your feelings are always valid, even if someone tells you they aren’t.
- Everything will be OK in the end.
Having these simple sentences repeated to me on a regular basis has made it easier to realize other things. Things like it’s OK to not be over something right after it happens. You are allowed to give yourself time to heal. It’s OK to see something that reminds you of a person who’s no longer in your life, or someone who is still in your life, and just feel like crying. It’s OK to think about sadness and well in it for a moment. Not forever, but you can’t deny yourself your emotions. You can’t lie to your heart about what’s really hiding under the surface or what’s buried deep down. It’s OK to not always feel positive, feel strong, or feel like you can take on the world.
It’s OK to sometimes acknowledge that you feel weak or tired or vulnerable. Because the beautiful thing about those feelings is that they lead to strength.
So, the next time you close your eyes to keep the tears from falling because you aren’t in the safety and comfort of your room, try to remember what you just read. There’s nothing wrong with you. This is just a moment and it’s OK to have moments. I’m trying to remind myself of this as well. It’s OK to not be perfect. It’s OK to be hurting. It's OK to feel what you are feeling. Because one day, we won’t feel this way anymore. We won’t feel this emptiness. Instead, we’ll feel whole.
