I've always been someone who was part of a group of friends. There was always something to do and somewhere to go. I will never forget those friends or the impact that they had on my life. As we all probably know, people come and go from our lives. Even the best of friends can drift apart. It hurts, but it's a part of life.
Recently I've lost touch with two people that I thought would be in my life forever. Two people who knew every dark detail about my life, who helped me through the toughest of times, and who celebrated the best of times. They were two people that I could tell absolutely anything to without fear of judgement. They were like family to me. We fought like sisters all the time, but I knew that I could trust them with my life.
Losing these two people sucked more than anything. Who was I supposed to go to when I needed someone to analyze the texts from the boy that I liked? Who was I supposed to text when I saw so-and-so at Buffalo Wild Wings? I would reach for my phone, ready to text about a memory or something funny or even for advice. My smile would immediately fade, and I felt like crying knowing that you were no longer a part of my life.
It was a hard adjustment from having these people in my life to always talk to, to having no one who would care about what I was eating for dinner. I tried to keep them in my life, put in the effort to go get drinks and what not, but it wasn't working. Those friendships were over. Done. Finished.
I've learned a lot after losing those two people. I learned who my real friends were and who would really be there for me. I have learned how to take care of myself emotionally. Instead of asking for advice on what to say to the boy that I liked, I had to make the decision for myself.
I've learned how to keep to myself. I'm no longer sharing all of the dirty details of my life with another person. It's a refreshing feeling to know that you're the only one who actually knows what's going on in your life.
I have a much better idea of freedom. I don't depend on other people for my happiness. The only person I depend on is me. I have learned to pick up my own pieces when I need to and how to put them back together. I've learned who I am as a single person, and it's been one of the best things that has ever happened to me.
This isn't to say that I now have no friends, because I do. I have a great group of friends that I love hanging out with. I still have friends from high school that I keep in touch with. I'm not completely alone. I just don't depend on them for anything, and it is the most freeing feeling that I have ever experienced.
It's okay to be a one man wolf pack. You might actually learn a lot about yourself that you didn't know before.
