Something that I have told myself and constantly tell others is, “it is okay to not be okay.” Have some of you heard it? I know I have. I tell myself this a lot actually. We all are under this false assumption that we have to have it all together all the time. But. We. Don’t. We can break down and we can fail and we can hate the world around us. It’s okay to have those days or even series of days feeling like that. It is totally okay because it shows that we are, in fact, still human.
I honestly couldn’t tell you when I personally started to feel like I had to have my life together all the time. It was probably late middle school or early high school. I remember people would ask me how I was and I would give the typical response saying that I was okay or that I was doing well, but secretly I hoped that they would ask me again and tell me to give them an honest answer. I understand the social pleasantry of just answering okay or that you’re doing well, but you shouldn’t be looked down on if you say that you aren’t doing so well. People who answer with anything less than okay are considered attention seeking. I mean, I guess if they’re always answering with a negative response it could get annoying, but I wouldn’t call them attention seeking, I would call them brave for admitting that they have problems.
That’s one of the issues. People are afraid to show their feelings because they fear judgment. No one can feel sad or angry or hurt without being accused of seeking attention. But that’s exactly what we need in those moments, so is it really so bad? I guess I can get excessive, but if doesn’t happen every single time you talk to the person, it’s a minor issue in a world full of problems. Maybe we want the attention that the person struggling is getting because we secretly need it as well.
One other reason I think people try to be okay is because what they’re going through may seem so small compared to what everyone else is going through. I think this was my biggest issue. Some of my friends were going through some pretty crappy situations. And me? I just didn’t love myself the way I should. Saying it now, it seems like a huge deal, but at the time, I thought that my issues were so small in comparison. I think the thing was that my issues were a me issue. I was the only one that could fix it. But some of the issues my friends were going through were thrusted upon them. There’s weren’t such a simple fix of changing a mindset.
It’s quite silly if you think about it, hiding everything. There’s this quote that talks about the reason some of this is such an issue is because we compare our behind the scenes stuff with everyone else’s highlight reel. So, we only see what the other person wants us to see. Honestly, I say drop whatever guard you might be holding up because it truly is okay to not be okay. I know it’s easier said than done, but those are some really true words. We all will face problems, but it’s so hard to face them alone. It’s ten times easier to face them when we have people who care about us standing next to us and holding our hand. They will be able to tell us that exact same thing “It’s okay to not be okay.” But it’s true, it’s okay to struggle, it’s okay to be unhappy, and it’s okay to be afraid. It’s not okay to let the struggles, unhappiness and fear win.
