It's okay to start over. It can be one of the most difficult things- realizing that this dream you’ve had is not really what you thought it would be. I started my college career at what I thought was my dream school. I was so beyond excited and for a while it was great. But as time went on it was clear I wasn't happy. That scared me. It scared me that what I thought I wanted wasn't working out. "Why isn't this working? This isn't how my plan was supposed to go!" These kinds of thoughts raced through my head constantly. I found myself wanting to go home practically every weekend; not enjoying the time when I was on campus. When I did go home and the time would come for me to return to school, I would be overcome with dread and overall feel so sad to the point of just wanting to cry. Living the college dream right?
I felt so alone because everyone around me seemed so happy with their decision to be there and I wasn’t. I wanted so badly for this to be my home away from home, but it just wasn’t. I was so reluctant to give my plans and supposed dream up, that I decided to return to the school for a second year. Throughout that first semester back I was miserable and my grades reflected that which was out of character for me. I dragged myself through week after week and eventually I was finally miserable enough to admit that I didn't want to stay there anymore. But I was terrified and quite honestly, ashamed. I felt like it was wrong to leave this behind. Was I giving up too easily? I almost felt like a failure though no one was treating me as such. All I wanted was for my plan to work out, but that wasn’t going to happen. So, at the end of that fall semester I moved home to take some time off from school since I wouldn't have time to transfer anywhere for the spring semester. It honestly took a great amount of courage for me to leave and admit that this was not where I was meant to be.
To my surprise, when I committed to moving home, I was relieved. I had been too busy worrying about when I would graduate if I took time off, and feeling like a failure, that I wasn't really thinking about what I needed. I needed a break from school to gather myself and figure out where I would thrive in school and what I wanted to pursue. I really had no idea what major I wanted to continue in since I had changed it twice already. In addition to that, I also needed a break physically. I was going through physical challenges and there was no way I could effectively figure them out if I was away from home in a place where I was miserable.
During my semester off I was able to rebuild myself after going through a very negative relationship with a terrible breakup, figure out what I wanted academically, and focus on figuring out the physical issues I had going on. I began working full time at a daycare, which was something I loved.
It’s true that I probably won't graduate with my friends, but I absolutely do not regret taking that time off. I grew so much as a person throughout those several months and I learned things about myself that I believe I wouldn’t have had I not stepped back for a while. Coming out of those months I felt ready to return to school and knew where I needed to go. I needed to be at a school close to home so that I could still live with my family and be able to commute--I found that school. I had finally come to a decision on what I really wanted to pursue--psychology and criminal justice.
I began school again this past fall semester and I can happily say that I love both of these programs that I’m in and that overall I am so much more satisfied with my life now. Coming from that slump I had been in, to now making the dean's list at my new university, I can hardly believe that I'm the same person. Had anyone told me a year and a half ago that this is where I’d be right now, I probably wouldn’t believe them.
Going through this experience, I would encourage everyone to take time off if they feel they need to. Don't be afraid to figure yourself out. Don't settle if you're not happy. It's okay if your plan doesn't seem to be working out. No one can tell you how to write your story because it's just that--YOUR story. It's okay to reevaluate things and come up with a new plan. And along with that, you don't need to have everything figured out. You're young; you're figuring things out as you go. It's good to have ideas and plans, but don't freak out if plans change. Don't get so caught up in plans that you forget to live. Take time to think about yourself and what you need. Live your life and don't be afraid to start a new chapter. Embrace yourself and welcome change.
