An overwhelming population of students who are admitted to Colgate come in with high aspirations of pursuing a career in medicine, ranging from cardiothoracic surgeons to dentists. Most of these students have slaved over AP Biology and Chemistry in high school, and feel adequately prepared to handle the rigorous course load of the pre-med curriculum at Colgate. As I freshman, I too was one of those students who felt they had their life figured out: I was going to major in biology, minor in psychology, and pursue a career as a cardiothoracic surgeon. My first semester at Colgate, I was in constant contact with Professor Chanatry, who advised me to start out with Chem 101 among my many other classes, most of which were focused on psychology. Right off the bat, I knew I hated chemistry. I hated it in high school, and I hated it in college too. My friends and family were no strangers to my complaints about my utter distaste for chemistry, and all of my doctor friends and relatives assured me that I would never use chemistry in the field, but I just had to get through it.

I continued taking the courses recommended for pre-med students at Colgate and even took classes over the summer to get ahead and try to save my GPA from the impact of the natural sciences in which I had no interest. As a second semester sophomore, I have almost finished the requirements for pre-med students, and I have noticed the high number of pre-med students at Colgate has dwindled, as it often does. As registration approached and I looked at the remaining classes I would have to take, I was struck with the terrifying realization that this might not be what I wanted anymore. For all of those students out there who excel at biology and chemistry and physics, I applaud you. These are very difficult classes designed to weed out those who will not make it in medical school, and they become much more bearable when you have an interest in the subject. Unfortunately, I do not have an interest in these subjects, and I learned freshman year that the subject I was most interested in was psychology. What I came to realize was that medical schools only require one psychology class, and even when I decided that I was going to be a psychiatrist, the amount of psychology versus chemistry and biology was significantly smaller. In a panic, as all students have at least once in their lives, I called my mom and hysterically told her that I didn’t know what I was doing, because I wasn’t good at the thing I wanted to do, and I would never be able to take the classes I was most interested in, even once I graduated. My mom, being the intelligent and reasonable person she is, told me what she had told me since the day I decided to go to medical school: you do not have to be a doctor.

All of my life, I was conditioned to believe that there were two jobs that were available to me and would be esteemed within my family: a doctor and a lawyer. My mom is a lawyer, and we don’t have many doctors in my immediate family. I have always been the one people go to with random ailments, and I stalk through the information I find on webMD to come up with an accurate diagnosis for them. Yet, I realized that my interests conflicted with my goals: I love psychology and mental illness, and the only reason I was pushing this interest to the back-burner was to make money, and because I thought being a doctor was worthy of praise and esteem. As it turns out, being a doctor or a lawyer is not the only noteworthy profession one can have, and deciding to pursue a career in psychology, political science, women’s studies, English, or anything else is just as impressive as being a doctor. The reason people succeed in life is because they have a passion for the work they do, and I realized much later than I would like to admit that I was pushing myself to do something I did not have a passion for. My goal was to help people, but there was no way I was going to be able to help people if I didn’t enjoy what I was doing, and put myself through 12 years of school only to find out that I was miserable. I don’t have to be a doctor, and that doesn’t make me stupid or incapable of success, as I once believed. It is ok to change what you are doing and reevaluate what you want when the decisions and the path you are taking do not make you happy. I do not have to be making upwards of 6 figures to fill the void in my life; I need to do something I care about and have a passion for if I ever wish to truly fill that void.

For years my identity had been that of a struggling pre-med student who was going on to medical school, but that identity didn’t fit within my schema. When I realized this, thanks to my friends and family who sat with me and reassured me that I was not a failure if I gave up on attending medical school, I felt an incredible weight lifted from my shoulders. I have the rest of my life to be miserable if I choose to do so, but this is the time where I can make mistakes and find something I am passionate about. This is my time to find what makes me happy and pursue it, because what is the point of struggling to achieve a goal you don’t necessarily want? Life is too short to make yourself miserable, so take a lesson from me and don’t push yourself to do something you don’t want to do. Do what makes you happy, whether it is pre-med or anything else.