You looked me in the eyes and told me I wasn't good enough.
I want to preface this by asking for your forgiveness for the things that were spiteful and hurtful. I treated you poorly because of the way I felt about myself, and that was not becoming of me.
It is clear that you are not the person I was destined to be with. We were not meant for each other. In the beginning of our relationship, I painted myself as the most delicate and beautiful picture. You wanted a woman of the Lord, you wanted a knowledgable student, you wanted a sweet and elegant girl; in short, you wanted me to be everything that I always wanted myself to be. I let you think that I was this girl; she was exactly who I wanted to be.
Little by little, you began to see the work-in-progress that I was, and for you this work-in-progress wasn't enough. You didn't want me; I was marked by erasers and pencil sketches, splattered paint. You wanted a masterpiece. Now, I cannot validate you wanting a masterpiece; that is the most unrealistic thing you can ask for. We as humans are flawed beyond belief, we will never be perfect. Despite all the changes I have endured since we parted, the one thing that hasn't changed about me is my practical knowledge of who we are as human beings. I am the first one to forgive others for their humanity; a harsh word, a nasty glance, a comment spoken out of place, an attitude, an overwhelmed exasperated sigh. These things are indicative of emotions, not of spite. No matter how kind and pure of heart a person is, they stumble. Just as I was able to understand your naive humanity in wanting perfection, I became conscious enough to accept my own humanity.
I want to be honest, you debased me more than anything else ever has. My perceptions of who I was as a student, sister, Christian, partner, and woman were shattered. I was left picking up the pieces of myself when you looked me in the eyes and told me that I wasn't who you thought I'd be. I got angry, I blamed it on myself. I told myself time and time again that you were right; I wasn't enough for you.
I set out to prove to you wrong: that I was a good student, a good woman, a good Christian. Then the seasons passed, slowly the progress became more about being the person I was meant to be. In all honesty, I forgot the spiteful reason I started in the first place. The most important thing I learned was that it was not my fault that I was imperfect, that being said, it was no one else's either. People grow, people change, I grew, I changed.
At your own words, I am a better person now. I am a more loving person, I am a more knowledgable Christian. I have gained patience and understanding. You were not the person I was meant to be with, but I've found that man. He knows my worth, he sees my scars, he knows I am a work-in-progress and for that he loves me.
So no, it's not you. It's not you, but it wasn't me either.
