You weren't good for me, so against what I thought I wanted at the time, I eventually mustered the strength that it took to do life without you- to "move on". I thought I would feel happier, freer, proud of myself, and I did. However, every once in awhile, I felt the gripping pain of something else as well: guilt.

I felt guilty for "leaving you behind". It was like I left you in your darkness to move on to a bigger and brighter version of myself, and I felt guilty for it. For years, I had the mental image of myself walking forward down a beaten road and only seeing you when I glanced behind me; you always looked so hurt and confused as to why I was still walking. I felt guilty for being so selfish that I left you behind because you weren't a project worth sticking around to potentially complete. I felt guilty for walking when you couldn't move, but I've realized something recently that's changed my entire perspective. You had a choice.

My guilt is unjustified because I actually didn't leave you behind. I had to continue walking down my own path in order to grow, but you weren't left behind me because I told you to stay there; you quit walking. Moving forward wasn't optional for me, but apparently it was for you. I've been looking at our final goodbye as if I was the one who made the decision to leave you to brood in your darkness when in reality, you made the choice to stay where you were. You came to the conclusion that sacrificing your toxic habits and mentality wasn't worth maintaining a relationship with me, and when you put your foot down and refused to change, I learned to love myself enough to not tolerate your negativity any longer.

I could've stopped walking too, and maybe I did for a little while. But on my journey of life, I won't take breaks for you or anyone else ever again. I have too many places to go while I still have time left.

So just to clear things up, it's not true that I left you behind; I was trying to live my life, and you simply refused to come with me.